100 People We'd Want to Party With in Dallas
The Bizarre Life and Troubling Death of DarkSide
By Anna Merlan
The Ten Most Badass Band Names in DFW
By Lee Escobedo
The Cheap Bastard Guide to Dallas
By Alice Laussade
Patio Drunk: Ten Of Dallas' Best Patios
By Scott Reitz
What Will Happen to All the Books?
By Claire Lawton
Snoop Dogg is Headlining our St. Patrick's Day Concert
By Kiernan Maletsky
The Ticket's Sean Bass and His Sobering Stance on Driving Drunk
He looks like a Raggedy Andy doll that's been left out in the rain for three days.
Forty-four dead bodies. Thirty-two breasts. Cement suffocation.
Samurai sword-hacking. Dagger face-ripping. Crucifixion.
Umbrella-wielding ninja killers with machine guns. Two running gun battles. Throat-slitting.
Thirty-floor death plunge. Exploding car, with fireball. One vehicular crash and burn.
Gratuitous Ron Jeremy.
Drive-In Academy Award nominations for...
--Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, as the revenge-seeking ninja who tells his mama, "We are no longer people--we are wind.''
--Juan Fernandez, as the oily drug king, for saying "I want them cut to pieces.''
--John Savage, as a weirdbeard knife-specialist assassin, for saying, "We've never touched guns--we've never had to.''
--Marco St. John, as the corrupt police official who says, "This is New Orleans--you follow the laws we make up, or you get out.''
And Robert Davi, for another great Mr. Intensity performance, as the renegade who says: "We kill them, or no one does. They belong to us. We belong to them.''
Joe Bob says check it out.
Copyright 1995 Joe Bob Briggs. Distributed by NYT Special Features/Syndication Sales.
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