By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
It'll be a very good year...
Thanks to a "Jewish metaphysical healer" who claims to have earned his spurs at Dallas' Baylor University Medical Center, ailing crooner Frank Sinatra has a fighting chance of not only completely recovering his misogynistic, photographer-punching health, but remaining Chairman of the Board into the next century.
"Frank Sinatra, who is currently recuperating at home in Los Angeles, can regain his health and survive until the year 2000 and beyond if certain Metaphysical Principles are followed," Dr. Ernesto informed Buzz.
Before you haul off and say, "Pshaw!" you might change your mind when we tell you Dr. Ernesto also correctly predicted the Atlanta Olympic bombing and has used his visions to produce a sketch of the TWA bomber! Or you might not.
Dr. Ernesto says he has worked as a metaphysical healer in leading hospitals, including Baylor, where, in the early 1960s, Dr. Ernesto says he was "assigned" as a faith healer. One dark night, he saved the life of a Judge B. Brown who had suffered a heart attack. Brown went on to become famous in the John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Jack Ruby trials.
"Hold on Buzz," you're saying, "there weren't no Lee Harvey Oswald trial!" None, at least, that you heard about.
Buzz probably should point out that Baylor University Medical Center isn't exactly jumping to claim this amazing physician as one of its own. The hospital confirms that an Ernesto Montgomery worked there in the late '50s and early '60s, under the less-exotic title of nursing service technician. When pressed on whether there is a "faith healer" job title at the hospital, one spokeswoman played it safe and told us: "Not today." Never can tell, presumably, with those Baptists.
In offering his services to 82-year-old Frank, the good doctor warns: "If metaphysical healing is not applied, his transition from the physical to the invisible are imminent, to be followed by the only female member of his inner entertainment circle."
Whoa. Who would that be? Shirley? Or maybe Nancy's boots are made for walkin' on a higher plane.
Apparently taking a tip from the casinos in Bossier City and Shreveport, the Seattle-based department story lured Fort Worth hayseeds to the Eastchase Market shopping center on I-30, then herded them onto presumably spittoon-equipped buses for Dallas and the glories of the Galleria. After arriving at Nordstrom, they were jacked up on free espresso, given a makeover in cosmetics, and released into the store.
Buzz shudders to think about the impact of these Skoal-addled Tarrant County folk on the indigenous, big-spending North Dallas shoppers--who Dallas retailers hoped were finally coming back after years as an endangered species.