Events for the week

january 23
Band-Dude Karaoke: The concept behind karaoke is that non-musicians--or at least non-professional musicians--are forced to display musical talents they may or may not have. What people never consider is that the whole setup of karaoke is so awkward as to render even the most experienced singer stranded. Club Clearview understands this, and spreads the embarrassment of riches by enlisting popular local bands to appear for karaoke workouts. Pimpadelic and Strap are among 10 bands who will bare their behinds and put them on the line (musically speaking, of course) with this show. The evening lasts from 9 p.m. to midnight, and several of the participating bands will then play regular sets until 2 a.m. at Club Clearview, 2803 Main. For information call (214) 939-0224.

Heels & Nobs Winter Dance and Theatre Show: The Heels & Nobs Dance and Theatre Collective presents its appropriately titled Heels & Nobs Winter Dance and Theatre Show for the benefit of those whose attention spans have been permanently damaged by adolescent MTV consumption. Alfred Hitchcock once said that a movie should not exceed the endurance of the human bladder, and we say that more theater artists should take this into account. Directors Tim McCanna and Shannon Slaton and choreographers Karen Bower Robinson and Doug Hopkins have prepared a series of dance and musical performances long on enthusiasm and short on time, including Robinson's modern dance performance Las Somnambulas; three dance pieces from Doug Hopkins; Shannon Slaton's original short plays Parasitosis and The Blind Date; and a 30-minute musical by Tim McCanna. Performances happen January 23-25 at 8 p.m. at Theatre on Elm Street, 3202 Elm. Tickets are $10-$12. Call (214) 630-7722.

january 24
Auditions for Stupid Pet and Human Tricks: It's beginning to dawn on the rest of America what a small minority has been carping about for years: David Letterman is a lousy interviewer, an unfunny comic, and one embittered S.O.B. who's running on the fumes of a frat-boy irony that was pretty lame even when he started out with a full tank. He is reaching out across America to find new victims for his neo-Gong Show shtick known as "Stupid Pet and Human Tricks." Now that he's canvassed San Francisco, Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago, he's coming to the Dallas-Fort Worth area to audition bipeds and quadrupeds. The only stipulation is that neither can be treated inhumanely during the course of the trick. This suggests that your cat-juggling skills will not be appreciated at audition time. Auditions happen daily January 24-26 at the offices of KTVT-Channel 11, 2777 Stemmons. For an audition time call (214) 787-1001.

Kristi Yamaguchi, Scott Hamilton, and Paul Wylie: What's the next step for athletes after winning Olympic medals and world-class championships? Sit back and let the corporations of the world shower you with juicy endorsements. Discover, the financial services card, has rounded up a hogshead of ice skaters for their Stars On Ice tour, with Kristi Yamaguchi, Scott Hamilton, and Paul Wylie headlining a performance team that includes Jayne Torvill, Christopher Dean, Radka Kovarikova, Rene Novotny, and Jill Trenary. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Make-A-Wish Foundation, an organization that grants wishes to kids with life-threatening illnesses. The event happens at 8 p.m. at Reunion Arena, 111 Sports. For ticket info call (214) 373-8000.

Dinosaur: Since some of us nursed an intense Godzilla fascination as kids, we're not surprised that so many young ones begged their parents to take them to Jurassic Park (and will do so again for this summer's sequel, The Lost World)--even though some scary scenes in that film took them back to the B.P.T. (Before Potty Training) era. Every little kid--male and female--likes to identify with creatures even more gigantic and ferocious than their parents. Dallas Children's Theater is betting on this impulse with its original production of James De Vita's Dinosaur. Sadly, there will be no screaming lawyers plucked off toilet seats and torn to pieces in this one--it is a much sweeter tale of a mother and daughter who rediscover their relationship while discovering dinosaurs. Performances happen Friday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, 1:30 p.m.; and Sunday, 1:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. at the El Centro College Theater, Main and Market.

january 25
Fine Arts Chamber Players: The fourth Saturday Performance Series of the Fine Arts Chamber Players continues with a show boasting instrumentalists from the Dallas Symphony Orchestra, as well as University of North Texas faculty member Pamela Paul. These guests have come to collaborate with the Chamber players on Schubert's Quintet for Piano and Strings in A Major, D667, "The Trout." Adding his two cents is Southern Methodist University professor of voice Robert Barefield, who will lend his pipes to Schubert's piece and then explain, no doubt in a professorly way, exactly how "The Trout" fits into the instrumental chamber canon. The afternoon happens at 3 p.m. in the Horchow Auditorium of the Dallas Museum of Art, 1717 N. Harwood. Admission is free. Call (214) 520-2219.

I.D. Day: The Dallas Museum of Natural History offers some of its top experts to the public in an open house that answers the question: "Does this weird-looking old thing I've found have any anthropological-archaeological value?" (Please note: your great-grandfather is not fodder for examination by the experts.) A panel of Museum curators and Museum-associated -ologists have gathered to tell people exactly what that cool rock, natural imprint, or bug shell is (the museum has dubbed these sundry items Unidentified Natural History Objects). Additionally, there will be workshops scheduled for 12:30 p.m. and 2:30 p.m. to allow folks to tell if the plant or animal that has just pricked them is the deadliest of its variety. The day lasts from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Dallas Museum of Natural History in Fair Park. Tickets are $2.50-$4. Call (214) 421-3466.

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