By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
For the person who wants two things for Imelda Marcos to sit on:
Give your favorite footwear fetishist a little cush push with a leopard-patterned chair ($1,200) in the shape of a hot stiletto with a matching powder-puff ottoman ($595)--because no one should keep his or her predilections locked in the closet. Or, be really dramatic with a "Billy" doll, the explicitly anatomically correct action (so to speak) figure. Get these and more--including leather-scented candles and the white-trash Ridge White Mobile Home and Paper Doll Book at Mark & Larry's Stuff, Gift Gallery and Retail Experience, 2614 Elm, (214) 74-STUFF.
For the angst-ridden hipper-than-thou disco-attired twentysomething with dental tattoos:
Admit it. You want to scream at 'em, but you don't have the lung power. So call the professionals at the Fort Worth Opera and set your grunge puppy up in the 20 plus or minus club. In addition to tickets to some great opera productions, your loved one will receive a card good for 15 percent off at Borders; a Sundance Square Sunup to Sundown savings book; and a Fort Worth Opera T-shirt. Because no one can scream their angst like a diva. Fort Worth Opera, (817) 731-0200.
For the woman who takes her hair almost as seriously as a man does who has none:
And she needs hair that complements her fall-and-winter wardrobe with the hottest clips of the season. Send her to L'Image, where she can choose from the Slidestep Crop, a racy, romantic cut that easily converts from a one-length look to layered; the City Cut, a sleek, sporty, chic clip; and the Lattice Layered Bob, a versatile, layered version of the classic bob. L'Image, Highland Park Village, (214) 526-6410. Other locations in Addison, Plano, and Arlington.
For the person who likes to watch Barry Goldwater buttons spin on a Victrola:
If you know someone with a yen for eclectic nostalgia who might wear Bakelite jewelry and watches from the '40s, smoke a Romeo y Juliet preserved in an antique humidor, draw inspiration from religious artifacts older than a non-metal Pat Boone album, decorate their sacred spaces with African art, spin Jelly Roll Morton 78s on a Victrola, or create a shrine with sports or political memorabilia, then your gift list is in desperate need of fulfillment at the Lower Greenville Antique Mall. 2010 Greenville, (214) 824-4136.
For the person who would like to see unwanted body hair removed and donated to the Hair Club for Men:
Let's be honest about this. Mother Nature was a ditz when she set out to carpet the human body. Certain parts simply should have been left bare. Now women have to deal with unwanted facial, bikini line, underarm, and leg hair, and men have to deal with backs that look like woolly-mammoth toupees. Mother Nature may have had practical reasons for installing this stuff on these places, but this is the '90s in Dallas, fer chrissakes, and no man wants to put baby's breath in his ear braids, nor does a woman want to have to grease her handlebars. That's why there's the EpiLight semi-permanent hair-removal system. This FDA-approved, non-invasive, pain-free procedure is safe and more effective than laser. The proof is in the smoothness. Try EpiLight at Advance Aesthetics, 403 W. Campbell Road, Suite 310, Richardson, (972) 498-8625.
For the person who fell asleep in the tattoo parlor, woke up looking like a tropical fish in a Versace gown, and has an interview with EDS January 2nd:
Tattoos are cool. They fashionably broadcast your chic rebellious angst, piss off your parents, and make you feel at one with Dennis Rodman. Trouble is, all these warm, fuzzy feelings disappear after about five minutes. And tattoos are forever--at least until now. Remove every case of bad pigmentation judgment you ever exercised over your body simply and cleanly. And if you have spider veins and unsightly scars, you can get rid of those along with your G N' R emblem. Visit North Dallas Vascular Associates, 403 W. Campbell Road, Suite 310, Richardson, (972) 498-7680.
For the person who gets lost in his own driveway and thinks Bangladesh is a gizmo for storing bracelets:
Give the gift of knowing where you are at all times, at least on paper. With over 3,000 updates and revisions, Mapsco street guides ($29.95) are the most current, accurate, and detailed map books available. And for those who need to know our place in the world, give the gift the Flat Earth Society hates: a beautiful globe ranging from the 3.3-inch mini globe ($5.50) to the 32-inch Diplomat Globe on a mahogany hardwood stand ($6,000). Mapsco Map & Travel Centers: 5308 Maple, (214) 521-2131; and 11811 Preston , (972) 960-1414.
For the person who needs a shot of go-go juice just to snore properly:
Let's face it, anyone who wanted to could bring this country to its knees simply by cutting off our coffee supply. Do your part for strategic defense. Give someone a Starbucks coffee gift pack that includes sampler packages, a stainless steel Barista set, coffee mugs and tumblers, chocolates, and tea sets. From $10.95 to $399; 36 Metroplex locations.
For the person who likes to suck spirits and cook while getting spiritual listening to Christmas carols:
Start things off with a stiff martini from "the bullet" cocktail shaker and two martini glasses. Then get into the spirit of the season with Menus & Music for Christmas, a holiday cookbook and 60-minute Christmas CD. Finally, chant over your meal while it's cooking (turn the stereo down a little for this) while burning incense sticks (a variety of fragrances are available) from Provence, France, in a handsome leaf-design incense burner. Nuvo, 3900 Cedar Springs, (214) 522-6886.