Holiday Highlights

For the person with patio pyromania:
They'll need a large outdoor fireplace to immolate slow-moving bugs and stupid Father's Day ties. Available in a wide assortment of colors, these clay Chimineas ($95-$200) are complete with metal stands. Odd Pot Trading Co., 2900 N. Henderson, (214) 887-9455.

For the person whom you'd like to experience the rewards of annoying Internet hype:

Those TV ads are right. The Internet will revolutionize the world. Take air travel: What you could once accomplish with a five-minute phone call, you can now take care of in close to two hours of pointing and clicking over the Internet. Why not share these high-tech conveniences with a loved one? Give them a subscription to Internet America, where they can have a personalized e-mail address, ski the Web (surf boards aren't fast enough these days), even publish their own Web page. That way, you can get multimedia life updates on your loved ones in real time via a point and click session instead of those annoying phone calls. Internet America, $19.95/mo., unlimited access plus $29.95 set-up fee. Web site $1.67/mo. with subscription. Call (800) BE-A-GEEK.

For the person who believes you can never have enough Santa facsimiles:
Folk art is hip. So why not get your folk-art version of largest toy distributor in the world? Carved and painted wood sculptures, these Santas are original works by Texas artists and range in size from a 6-inch-tall stick Santa to a 40-inch monster. From $90-$290 at American Artistry, 6829 Snider Plaza, (214) 692-1092.

For the gardener who thinks troweling in the dirt with tulip bulbs would make a swell role-playing game:

And thank the gods someone has done it. Greenfingers is a game from England dedicated to the gardening enthusiast as well as to those who can't tell the difference between a silk flower and a rosebush. The object of the game is...well let's just say it costs $50, and gardeners everywhere seem to love it. The Urban Gardener, 305 Centre Street, (214) 943-6785.

For the person who likes to be ogled at while ogling holiday garishness:
At a loss on what to get for the hopelessly sentimental on your list after you've already given them the Barry Manilow retrospective and the complete remastered video library of The Waltons? How about a Christmas-lights tour by limousine? They pick you up, show you some of the greatest power drainers in the city, and then drop you off at home. And as an added bonus, any eggs catapulted from homeowners sick of being on a street drawing crowds of Italian-lights groupies mess up their car, not yours. Limos 4U, four-hour tour Max, $159, 3030 Ross Avenue, (214) 349-LIMO.

For the person who likes handmade body ornaments:
You'll find hundreds of beautiful, distinctive pieces created from sterling silver, fused glass, copper, and precious and semiprecious stones from $10-$90. This stuff says "stuff me in sock" all over it. Art Encounter, 230 Spanish Village, Coit & Arapaho, (972) 726-7220.

For the woman with the man who shamelessly delights himself in women's lingerie without being named Marv:

Face it: A woman melts before a man who boldly enters a lingerie shop and tastefully sets about redecorating her personal spaces. Let Sheers be the recipient of your sensual intestinal fortitude. With all things bodywise--including hosiery, lingerie, bridal wear, and shaping implements like Donna Karan waist cinchers and bottom lifters--Sheers will make underwear your overture. Sheers, The Body Bar, Oak Lawn at Wycliff, (214) 528-7292.

For the people who like to sit on their butts as well as smoke them:
Appropriate cigar enthusiasm requires all of the right accoutrements: the right smokes, a humidor, strips of cedar for ignition, a good ashtray, a ventilation system, and...the right chair. This premier club chair is finished in fabric printed with cigar boxes, nailhead trim, and legs of solid, turned wood. Its dark brown and taupe hues say, "smoke one on me." Available for $600 at Globetrotter, 1801 Dragon Street, (214) 744-4732.

For the person who wants a pet that doesn't cost much to replace and whohas already seen all of the aquarium videos at least twice:

The real thing is always better than the movie--unless, of course, it's a Courtney Love feature film. So get your perplexed wannabe pet owner a 37-gallon Fishstuff (what happened to nice round numbers?) aquarium with wet-dry filtration and an advanced three-bulb fluorescent lighting system in a beautiful oak cabinet. Plus, there are more than 1,000 wood finishes to choose from. Available for $599 at Aquarium Warehouse, 1401-A Floyd Road in Richardson, (972) 480-9779.

For the lame duck in the kitchen who needs a good, swift kick in the turkey tush from a ragin' gobbler:

Get 'em prepped with a zesty Cajun turkey plus all the right sides, including jambalaya ($2.50), mashed potatoes and gravy ($2.50), crawfish salad ($2.50), and dirty rice ($2.50). What does a Cajun "gobble gobble" sound like, anyway? Ten- to 15-pounders, $35 at LuLu's, 2621 McKinney, (214) 969-1927.

For the person who's in a knickknack conundrum:
Knickknack confusion is a horrible affliction that's painful to watch and usually leads to hoarding precious, cute collectibles from Hallmark that should immediately be put into service as plinking-range targets. Stop this temporary condition before nausea sets in. Give beautiful hand-crafted Bohemian crystal, hand-carved German nutcrackers (Are these for pecans or fascist S&M games?), music boxes, and unique toys. Plus, one-of-a-kind, signed pieces are available. Ruby Queen Bohemian Crystal and Art: Plano, Ruisseau Village, 221 West Parker, (972) 881-7749; and Dallas, 3419A Milton Street, Snider Plaza, (214) 265-7177.

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