Howie, the producer, mans the sound board and maintains communication with Sam Kouvaris, a Jacksonville television anchor who checks in from his bedroom three times during the show to talk sports. Andrea Pilcher, the "total news babe," is in the neighboring studio, compiling the day's headlines for her news updates.
America's most fucked-up call-in show or America's most wanted call-in show, depending on the promotional spot, is on the air. Despite the number of calls, Lex and Terry haven't found anyone particularly hilarious, but they have found a lot of Michael Liles.
At one point in the morning, the computer monitor reveals that a Jacksonville man was calling to say he was looking for "good-looking chicks to do;" another was convinced that his beard was keeping the chicks away; and a woman from Savannah needed advice on her new boyfriend.
Staley's off-handed description of Madonna as a "skank" prompts a response from a male caller who disagrees, and the pair fall back on their "who would you do" gig, a dated routine that was popular in Jacksonville.
Predictably, the show's tempo gains speed when porn star Juli Ashton arrives at the tiny studio along with the owner of Caligula XXI, where Ashton will strip over the weekend. Ashton was supposed to appear on the show the day before, but forgot.
The host of Playboy's Night Calls, a cable TV show where the star takes sex calls in the nude while fooling around with female guests, Ashton is a good fit for Lex and Terry. Shortly after her appearance, the computer monitor floods with callers for Ashton.
Lex and Terry, their minds working in unison, immediately take a call from a woman who has a question about shaving. Specifically, she wants to know how Ashton shaves "down there" without getting razor burn, cuts, or itchy stubble.
Like a 7-Eleven cashier giving directions, Ashton calmly explains that the woman will need lubrication, a double-edged razor, and really hot water. "The important thing," she says, "is to loofah afterwards."
Lex and Terry, who are beside themselves with laughter, respond with exclamations of doubt and disbelief. Taking the response as a challenge, Ashton promptly lowers her pinstriped drawers as evidence. She is not wearing any underwear.
Staley guffaws, and Jaymes' face turns bright red, while Howie cranes his neck for a better view. Seated on the floor, syndication director Welpton covers his eyes with his hands and wonders aloud why he got up in the morning.
Ashton carries the rest of the show, doling out cautionary advice about the demanding erection expectations men face in the porn business and providing a detailed explanation of how women can deep throat "without gagging all over the place."
At 9:30 Lex and Terry cut away for the scheduled song-break, which always precedes the final half hour of the show.
As they do with most of their guests, Lex and Terry insist that Ashton pose for a picture before she leaves. Before he takes charge of the camera, Howie plays a song off of AC/DC's first album, High Voltage, which was filled with enough raw rock hits to propel the Australian band into hard-rock stardom.
As Lex and Terry sandwich the porn star, Bon Scott's voice fills the sound room, surrounding them with insight that is just as accurate today as it was in 1976.
"It's a long way to the top, if you want to rock and roll.
