Mayor Ron Kirk is presenting Mariah Carey with a special award to commemorate the pop diva's first appearance in Dallas. What in the hell? Doesn't he have better things to do? As long as Mayor Kirk is at the Starplex Amphitheatre for KISS Party '98--a special concert for 106.1 KISS-FM listeners--he might as well give Paula Cole an award for furriest armpits in pop music (she looks like she has Don King in a sleeper hold) and Olivia Newton-John a certificate for being smart enough to mount a comeback in the same year Grease was re-released. Carey and Cole are the big-ticket sellers, and Newton-John is the curiosity, but we aren't going to the show to see them. We're going to see Tone Loc. That's right, the man who brought us such hits as "Wild Thing," "Funky Cold Medina," and well, that's about it. The biggest surprise isn't that Loc is on this bill, but that he could get time off of work to play here. He can't be trying to make it just as a musician anymore, can he? KISS Party '98--with Mariah Carey, Paula Cole, Olivia Newton-John, Tone Loc, Nu Flavor, N-Sync, K.P. & Envyi, Vonda Shepard, and Emerald City--happens at Starplex Amphitheatre beginning at 6 p.m. Call (214) 787-1061.
Sometimes, the perfect concert just comes out of nowhere. You sit around thinking that there are no good shows coming up, then you hear about something like this: Funk-O-Rama '98. Dallas' wonderful rap-rock fusion group Hellafied Funk Crew headlines a bill that includes Beef Jerky, Mingo Fishtrap, Funktion Junktion, Dr. Teeth, I-45, Two By Four, and Blindside. This is Dallas music at its best. On top of the great line-up, Club Clearview will be giving away the Funkmobile, a car personalized by local artist Keith Underwood. Who needs bands like Centromatic, Bedhead, Darlington, Dooms U.K., and Captain Audio when we have all these great funk bands? Can you hear the sarcasm? Because we're laying it on pretty thick. Funk-O-Rama happens on Saturday, June 6, at Club Clearview, 2806 Elm. The doors open at 8 p.m., and tickets cost $7-$10. Call (214) 939-0077.
Record collectors are just as obsessive as Trekkies or comic book junkies. They memorize discographies, know the difference between a first pressing and a re-issue released two years later, buy two copies of the same album just because there are two different covers, and spend most of their free time either sifting through discount bins at record stores or reorganizing their collections. Dealers at record fairs like the Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Expo prey on these people. They know there's someone out there who'll plunk down $30 on a rare recording of James Dean playing bongos. They sit at their tables waiting on some poor sap to show interest in a rarity so they can raise the price accordingly. Oftentimes, shopping at a record fair is not unlike shopping at a south-of-the-border market where no price is as marked. Keep this in mind: Even if you see the German limited-edition version of an out-of-print David Bowie single that you've been looking for forever, act like someone just ran over your dog. Visible enthusiasm gets you nowhere at a record fair. The Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Expo happens at Sheraton Dallas, 1241 W. Mockingbird, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Admission is $3.
If we just knew what wiped out an entire planet of dinosaurs, nobody would be that interested anymore. Sure, there would still be exhibits like Dinoworld, the new offering from the Dallas Museum of Natural History. But not nearly as many people would obsess over the prehistoric behemoths that once ruled our earth. Nobody would watch movies like Jurassic Park in wonder. They would sit in the theater yelling, "Sneeze on the T-Rex! It kills them!" Until then, we will have to sate our curiosity by wandering around the 12,000-square-foot Dinoworld exhibit. The site features 11 life-size skeletons (some more than 30 feet long and 15 feet high), six skulls, dinosaur eggs found in China, an observable working paleo-laboratory, a simulated dig site, and alamosaurus bones excavated in Big Bend National Park. Dinoworld opens at the Dallas Museum of National History on June 6, and continues through January 3. Admission is $5 for adults, $3 for children ages 3-18. The museum, located at 3535 Grand Ave. in Fair Park, is open daily 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Call (214) 421-3466 for more information.
If the name Dr. Alan Gaynor sounds familiar, you may remember him from his infamous appearance on the Geraldo Rivera show. He was the plastic surgeon who--in an attempt to bring his profession out into the open--removed some fat cells from Rivera's posterior and injected them into his forehead (Geraldo's, we mean), ridding the vain talk show host of some pesky wrinkles. Gaynor has a new book on the shelves, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Cosmetic Surgery but Couldn't Afford to Ask, and he'll be in town to discuss and sign copies. We're not sure if we'd go for a signed copy. We know where his hand has been. The book signing and discussion happens at 7:30 p.m. at Borders Books & Music, 10720 Preston, Suite 1018. Call (214) 363-1977.
Brian Regan might be the funniest comedian working the circuit right now. He's not a household name yet, but he soon will--or should--be. Judging by his series of standing-room-only shows last fall at Addison's Improv, the Metroplex already has discovered Regan's special brand of comedy. The audience at Regan's Improv shows knew his act so well they were shouting out requests, yelling things like, "cup of dirt!" Regan's act--part Jerry Seinfeld-esque observations, part Jim Carrey mugging--can't be duplicated. Repeating his act to a friend is about as funny as seeing Andrew Dice Clay perform at a National Organization for Women convention. It's not that his jokes aren't amusing; most of them are funny enough to make you pull an abdominal muscle. It's just that it's impossible to recreate the way he throws himself (sometimes literally) into every punchline. Regan performs at Addison's Improv, located at 4980 Belt Line, through June 22. Call (972) 404-8501 for ticket information and show times.