By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Eric Nicholson
Doin' the Wright Shuffle
We don't know who the author is, since the fax that Buzz received was unsigned, but we wanted to share this letter purportedly sent by a Dallas air traveler to Sens. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Phil Gramm and U.S. Rep. Dick Armey:
"Please accept my donation to your campaign fund of $619.60. While I am not enclosing that amount herein, I have paid it to American Airlines in your behalf. This is the amount of difference that I must pay for an airline ticket on American as opposed to that which I could have paid to Southwest Airlines, with stops in New Orleans and Houston, for a roundtrip from Dallas to Nashville, Tennessee, where I must go to see an eye doctor who is an expert in my eye problem.
"The Wright Amendment to which you have voiced agreement, notwithstanding your claim to 'eliminate burdensome federal legislation,' would cause what I call the 'Wright Amendment Dance,' which necessitates stops, luggage changes, and layovers in New Orleans and in Houston and an extra night in Nashville, and since I am 72 years old and in something less than good health, [and] can't do [that], I must pay for the unfair federal legislation.
"Since this legislation is in part due to your activity (or inactivity), I will deduct any excess in airline cost to those of you who are responsible."
Buzz called Southwest and American to check the $619 figure. Depending on when you leave, the difference ranges from $26 to $550 for roundtrip tickets. Since the letter was unsigned, we couldn't contact the sender--who may be a Democrat, for all we know. But truth is beauty, and since this is one beautiful piece of sarcasm, it's true enough for us.
And justice for all
Buzz is resting easier since Lance Edwards was sentenced to 95 years for two burglaries.
Two burglaries of the homes of wealthy people, that is.
Edwards, already serving 68 years for breaking into Michael Dell's home in Austin--the Dell of Dell computers--was put away pretty much for life for burglarizing homes in ritzy Preston Hollow and Highland Park.
Justice being blind and all, it's nice to know that if anyone ever breaks into our duplex and walks away with our dusty stereo and CD collection--including, embarrassingly enough, a best of Journey album--they'll get equally tough treatment at the hands of Dallas County prosecutors.
Save a feline
Last week we invited readers to send in their designs for a better new Dallas arena. The response has been, um, less than overwhelming. As in one.
We're not too proud to beg, and we're not too timid to make this threat, a la National Lampoon: Buzz has three cats. If you people don't get busy, that could become one cat too many, if you get our drift.
Send your design to Buzz, P.O. Box 190289, Dallas, Texas, 75219. Abby, Megan, and Dash's furry little hides are depending on you.
--Compiled from staff reports by Patrick Williams
Cat lovers, send your outraged protests to firstname.lastname@example.org.