Lonely ladies

They're beautiful, charming, and came prepared to hang out. Where were you?

When a chicken lays an egg, it actually comes out soft. The hard covering you crack on the frying pan is the result of a chemical reaction between the surrounding air and calcium in the shell.

Probably the last mouth one would expect to hear such trivia from is that of Playboy's Miss March 1994. But then, Neriah Davis had reason to have egg-laying on her mind when she came to Dallas last week. She was the main attraction for a traveling sideshow of former centerfolds that recently kicked off its world tour in Dallas. But it may be a small world after all, since the tour has been postponed indefinitely.

Models Expo was one of those ideas that looked great on paper, or at least it would have in 1970, before the age of Internet porn and proliferating strip clubs. Twenty-five former centerfolds flew to Dallas from all over the world, but mostly Los Angeles, and set up shop at the Adam's Mark hotel from June 2 to June 4. Their sole purpose was to hang out and sell naked photos of themselves. That's it. You could have bought them drinks or whatever icebreaker one uses with a centerfold and then casually gazed, with them watching your reaction, at airbrushed pictures of their bodies. For $17 at the door, men could walk from carnival booth to carnival booth gawking at the pictures. The wealthier--or more desperate--could pay $100 to dine with some of the world's most buxom blondes. Granted, you didn't have a shot in the world with any of them, but it's easy to get swept up in the moment.

Former centerfold Neriah Davis was here for you, but where were you?
Former centerfold Neriah Davis was here for you, but where were you?

At least it might have been, if anyone had bothered to show up.

Models Expo was the dream of 40-year-old David Williams, whose career began at St. Cloud State University in Minneapolis in the late 1970s. Williams, who was something of a player then, says he used to saunter up to beautiful Nordic women on campus--women he wouldn't ordinarily be able to land--and tell them that he was producing a fashion show and that he'd love to use them. He'd wine and dine them, feeding their mouths and his ego. Eventually he had to produce, so he did a makeshift fashion show for the college that was a surprising success. He dropped out of school and headed out West. Now he's living in North Hollywood, having power lunches at the Beverly Wilshire, and producing conventions in Los Angeles. He has done Amway conventions in the past. This, one assumes, was going to be different.

"My goal was to create an ongoing event," Williams says. "Remember when you saw your first Playboy? I'll bet no one ever had to tell you what a Playmate was again. I don't know. I have a ridiculous sum of money tied up into this, probably in excess of $200,000. I paid for every dime of the damn thing."

Williams calculated that not many in Los Angeles would pay money to see these women when they could stalk them for free on Malibu Beach. But Williams loves Dallas, or did before he did a belly flop out of the Presidential Suite window at Adam's Mark, and decided this would be a good place to get started. According to him, the town is trendy, big, and rich. Unluckily for Williams, what Dallas isn't is hard up for attractive women. The Playmates outnumbered the patrons 2-to-1 at any given time during the weekend's festivities.

The main attraction, Neriah Davis, sat alone at her booth, nudie pics strewn across the table. Maybe 100 people showed up total. Williams was expecting numbers in the thousands each day.

Several factors could have contributed to the absence of metroplex testosterone. The Stars had Stanley Cup games both Friday and Saturday nights, and heavy rain menaced North Texas with flash floods. Or maybe it was because for the same price a guy could have gone to a topless bar and seen real boobs in the flesh.

Whatever the case, here's what you missed:

The night before the expo, Williams, Davis, and Cathy St. George, who was one of the promoters and Miss August 1982, sat at a window seat in the Chaparral Club on the 38th floor of the Adam's Mark. Davis sipped $21-a-glass Chardonnay while St. George ordered a martini with a twist of lemon and powered sugar around the edges. Very L.A. That was the theme of the weekend: Los Angeles pop scene invades Dallas. Williams leaned back in his chair and admired his investments. They expected the best. The moment disagreeable words were uttered--a "what if" as to potential problems--Davis spoke up.

"Ugh, buzz kill, be gone."

And it was so.

They talked of trendy restaurants and boutiques and threw out names of trendy L.A. people. First names only. Angelinos apparently have done away with surnames. After the names, discussion shifted to recent parties.

"Omigod, remember Evan's party? Omigod, I was so F-Ued!" (Fucked up. People from L.A. also talk in abbreviations.)

The ladies kept drinking and ordered four appetizers: Beluga caviar on nine-grain crackers, sautéed shrimp tails (but the heads were left on the shrimp, making them unappetizing to the Playmates), stuffed mushrooms, and carpaccio. They passed the plates between each other, took little nibbles of everything but the shrimp, and let it be. Williams ended up eating it all--literally and figuratively.

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