By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
By Alice Laussade
By Scott Reitz
By Claire Lawton
By Kiernan Maletsky
By Anna Merlan
Wolverine's "Weapon X" origin story is never revealed; it's merely hinted at in vague flashback, in dream sequences far more disturbing than anything else the movie offers. It's suggested that he's the product of a hideous experiment, yet another allusion to Nazi atrocities, but such revelations never occur. Wolverine then becomes our cynical stand-in--the nonbeliever trapped in Fantasyland. But the movie's alive only when Wolverine's on screen; it's built around him, and it crumbles without him to prop it up. He's the smart-ass and the badass, leery to the point of disdain. He mocks the wheelchair-bound Professor Xavier ("What do they call you--Wheels?") and taunts Cyclops ("Keep your eye open") with gleeful derision. He is, in some ways, the most real of the mutants.
Cyclops is simply too much a square to hold our interest; he is, as Wolverine rightly assesses, "a dick." Storm, with her blank eyes and banal power (she whips up wind and lightning), barely exists at all. And Jean Grey is too much of absolutely nothing--though what is one to do with a superhero whose sole power is that she can move objects and read minds? It's telling that the film's best moment comes when the Toad leaps off screen and crushes a man to death: The audible squish makes for a terrific punch line.
Written by David Hayter; based on a story by Tom DeSanto and Bryan Singer
The Hobbit Gets Neither There Nor Back Again
What's most frustrating is that the movie hints at a brewing war between humans and mutants, but never follows through: Sen. Kelly's early rants (during a speech on the Senate floor, he holds up "a list of known mutants") are merely a taunt--an excuse. The movie plods toward a mutant-on-mutant climax, which is so poorly directed that you can barely tell who's fighting whom; with their generic black outfits (a poor stand-in for the comic's bright yellow-and-blue uniforms, which are poked fun at late in the movie), the X-Men all look alike in the dark. So much for metaphor.
More maddeningly, the film feels as though it's missing huge chunks; it defies its own logic (especially any scene featuring Mystique). To rectify that, Marvel has released a series of comics that fill in the blanks, and in doing so, has turned the comic-movie tie-in into the most cynical marketing ploy this side of the Pet Rock. To understand the movie--the characters' pasts, their motivations, their relationships--you have to buy the comics, which explain how Professor X and Magneto met, how Wolverine came by his indestructible skeleton, how Rogue was the target of government operatives. All that may sound like mundane fanboy crap (and it is), but it's more like lazy storytelling. It's the ultimate give-up, an admission of guilt: The movie's plot is utter nonsense...until you read these. Turns out the most powerful mutant of all is Greed.
Join My Voice Nation for free stuff, film info & more!
Find everything you're looking for in your city
Find the best happy hour deals in your city
Get today's exclusive deals at savings of anywhere from 50-90%
Check out the hottest list of places and things to do around your city