Oh, Never Mind

The last word--give or take a billion--on the media's election-night mambo

Uh, just breezed by that Florida election Web site again, and, uh, well...

Good grief, I don't think it's over yet. At the Morning News, they're saying the same thing. Denise Beeber, an assistant news editor, is on the phone with the Plano printing plant's forewoman. She asks Beeber, "Do you want me to stop the presses?" THIS IS IT! She actually gets to say it, to yell into the phone the one phrase every journalist longs to scream: "Yes, stop the presses!"

"Yeah, I guess you'd better," she says.

Well, close enough. In all, the News printed about 140,000 papers with some version of "Bush wins," but was able to trash all but a few thousand of them. Let's see if the Star-Telegram got so lucky...

Hello...anyone here? Newsroom looks kinda empty...

Quick check on our favorite Texan, Dan Rather. He just announced that they took back Florida for a second time. He looks as mad as a snapping turtle.

Unbelievable. During a commercial break, I peeked in on Chris Matthews at MSNBC. He actually took off his head for refueling. Apparently, MSNBC hires aliens. Which would explain Ashleigh Banfield.

It's 4 a.m., and everyone is giving up. Bad day for the media, local and national. Given my new CueCat-granted powers, it looks as though it'll be up to me to straighten out this election mess. My first step in that process: I'm heading over to www.askjeeves.com to type in the question, "What the hell is a 'chad'?"

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