Trivial Pursuit

This just in: Me am not very smart, ESPN has learned

I'm in a bad way, but I'm not the biggest sucker here. There's a short fellow who looks like a scale model of Randy Johnson, complete with mullet and pock marks. He came from Illinois, which isn't that bad until I found out he drove from Illinois.

"I'm unemployed," he said, squinting. "I figured this would be easier than working for the money."

J.P. enters the room again and tells us we have a minute left. I've answered maybe half these things, and I have no idea how many are right. Is it possible to get a negative score? It's hard to focus. All I can think about is the money and how I'm never going to see a cent unless I rob Kenny Mayne. Perhaps if I answer one of the "tough" questions, they'll take pity on me and let me be on the show or at least give me a parting gift or a paper bag to wear over my head.

OK. Question: "Who was the 1931 Gas House Gang MVP?" Right. Baseball. I know this. It's not the dead guy, it's the other one. What's his name? Snuffleupagus?

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