Trivial Pursuit

This just in: Me am not very smart, ESPN has learned

Comments (0) By John Gonzalez Thursday, Jul 5 2001

...continued from page 1

I'm in a bad way, but I'm not the biggest sucker here. There's a short fellow who looks like a scale model of Randy Johnson, complete with mullet and pock marks. He came from Illinois, which isn't that bad until I found out he drove from Illinois.

"I'm unemployed," he said, squinting. "I figured this would be easier than working for the money."

ESPN

2 Minute Drill host Kenny Mayne grills a contestant who is not our columnist.

More About

J.P. enters the room again and tells us we have a minute left. I've answered maybe half these things, and I have no idea how many are right. Is it possible to get a negative score? It's hard to focus. All I can think about is the money and how I'm never going to see a cent unless I rob Kenny Mayne. Perhaps if I answer one of the "tough" questions, they'll take pity on me and let me be on the show or at least give me a parting gift or a paper bag to wear over my head.

Got...to...concentrate.

OK. Question: "Who was the 1931 Gas House Gang MVP?" Right. Baseball. I know this. It's not the dead guy, it's the other one. What's his name? Snuffleupagus?