By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
So the daughter of City Council member Laura Miller called a family meeting to reveal her list of eight reasons why Miller should not run for mayor, Gromer Jeffers Jr. wrote in Tuesday's Dallas Morning News. Not to pick a fight with a child, but Buzz thinks the little waif should keep her yap shut. The time will come when reporters will start caring about trivial, vicious local politics again, and Miller in a race for mayor would provide a bountiful feast for all of us.
Still, it's tough to argue with the kid since Jeffers didn't reveal exactly what her reasons were--probably short on space--so it's up to Buzz once again to dig in and fill in the blanks left by the News' reporting, using the time-tested methods practiced by hard-hitting investigative journalists everywhere.
We made them up.
In any case, here they are, Buzz's top eight reasons Miller's daughter thinks she shouldn't run for mayor (with apologies to David Letterman):
The danger that the unfortunate "kneecapping" incident with a rival soccer mom might come to light.
Just look what happened to those poor Bush girls.
Mayoral duties would take away from the time Miller spends helping her daughter fill out paperwork required to obtain a certificate of occupancy, operating permit and zoning variance for her lemonade stand.
It would be difficult to teach the daughter's pet parrot to stop saying "the mayor is a greedy motherfucker."
Daddy already gets grumpy every time someone refers to him as "Mr. Miller."
Her daughter doesn't want to give up the pet rooster she keeps hidden under her bed.
For political reasons, Miller's kids might have to hang out with children of Dallas Citizens Council members, and "they're, like, really geeky."
And the No. 1 reason why Miller's kid thinks she should not run for mayor is: "Mom, we're tired of being held out as the lame excuse for your political vacillation."