By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
Please, somebody help that poor man.
The rap, performed by Chrystall, includes the following: "My people, don't let Laura Miller get you drunk; let's give her the boot. I've been checking the scene to lend a helping hand. Tom Dunning is the one to fight hard for my man. Don't vote for Miller. She's a stealer. She'll steal all your dreams. So vote for Tom Dunning...February 16...Don't get your buzz on with another Miller High Life; get your real buzz on with Tom Dunning...Peace. I'm out."
Way, way out, in fact. Some hack was bound to use the "Miller High Life" line eventually, we suppose. We're just glad it wasn't Buzz.
We played a tape of the ad for some of our co-workers--a pretty vicious bunch humorwise. They scrunched up their faces in that sort of puzzled "whaffuck?" look, said "Oh, dear God" and walked away shaking their heads. The puns came later, after their stomachs settled.
Lessee: "Wigger with Platitudes," "Dumb DMC," "Vanilla Ice Mocha," "Public Enema" and "Ice-T and Finger Sandwiches at the Country Club" were some of the choicer entries.
The last one is especially apropos considering Dunning's efforts to get an urban admitted to the all non-urban Dallas Country Club, of which he's a member. Of course, maybe the club doesn't need a black member, since WWP is so obviously down with OPP--Old People's Purse Strings. Word.
We called the Dunning campaign to ask someone about the strategy behind the ad--a polite way of asking "whaffuck?" "I guess it's reaching out," a spokeswoman said, a bit dubiously. The target audience is 18- to 25-year-olds. Her 18-year-old daughter thinks it's "great," she added.
Which should be encouraging for Dunning. At least an 18-year-old can vote. Now if only the state sees fit to extend the vote to 14-year-old suburban white boys--rap's biggest fans--Dunning's ad might really pay off and we might get to hear more political rap.
Oh, dear God. Pass the Tums.