Sis-boom-bah

Buzz, admittedly, is at times a bit naïve--naïve in this case being a polite word for "dumb." For instance, we naïvely thought that to be a cheerleader required only that you support the home team, know how to say "rah!" and don't look like Buzz.

We were wrong about that home team part. It's possible to become a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader even if you're from New York City or--shudder--Philadelphia. In fact, the Dallas cheerleading squad has teamed up with an international talent scouting company to locate squad wannabes from as far away as Lawrenceville, New Jersey.

New Jersey! Your basic Texas cowboy revolts at the idea of getting his hot sauce from New Jersey, if the Pace picante sauce commercials can be believed. Is it right that we accept furriners rooting for the home team? We put this question to a spokeswoman for Options Talent Group, the company that teamed with the Cowboys cheerleaders to conduct a national competition to find prospective squad members. She politely pointed out that Buzz was being naïve. (We didn't ask her the question suggested to us by a fellow staffer: What, have the local Hootersrun out of waitresses? We didn't want to be both dumb and rude.)

Options locates "talent," a word the company uses as sort of a pronoun to refer to people. An actor is a talent. Cheerleaders are talents. Buzz is a no-talent.

The Options spokeswoman pointed out that some professional cheerleaders follow a sort of circuit, going from city to city, working where the jobs are. Talents from all over the country and elsewhere come to apply for the Dallas squad, she said. Options simply held a series of regional contests to come up with eight talents the company will sponsor, paying their way to come to the Dallas tryouts later this month. This way, Options will allow talents who may not have the means themselves to come to Dallas to audition. A noble undertaking. Incidentally, none of the eight talents Options selected is from Texas, though one hails from Oklahoma City, which sort of counts as a Dallas suburb.

Now, the phrase "fresh talent," with all its sleazy implications, comes to mind here, but if you think Buzz is going there, you're out of your mind. Oh, wait, maybe not.

That wasn't nice. We're very sorry. These women no doubt work way harder and have lots more fun than Buzz. They should. They are talent, after all. In fact, we hope Options, which also scouts athletes, will extend its services to the football team itself. They need all the talent they can get.