Pickup Picks

Where are the best places to go if you're looking to get laid?

Some questions just seem more important than others.

Who cares, for example, about the status of the Trinity River boondoggle or the merits of a police pay raise? We'd rather find out if Jerry Jones plans to embarrass the city by sponsoring a NASCAR team.

But this week's Burning Question--Where are the best places to go if you're looking to get laid?--is of such great consequence that we must address it on an annual basis. In fact, the Burning Question crew expends an inordinate amount of time and effort researching this problem. Because we scorn the plagiarism-ridden secondary research practiced by best-selling authors, our methodology involves a tremendous amount of...well...hands-on study. We surveyed almost 200 bar-hoppers of all ages, visited each establishment, soaked up enough alcohol to achieve the beer goggle effect several times over, and we're almost certain one of us either offended Mary Higby, bartender at The Bone, or proposed to her.

Location Info

Map

Whisky Bar

1930 Greenville Ave.
Dallas, TX 75206

Category: Bars and Clubs

Region: East Dallas & Lakewood

Memphis Restaurant

5000 Belt Line Road
Dallas, TX 75240

Category: Music Venues

Region: North Dallas

The Bone

2724 Elm St.
Dallas, TX 75226-1424

Category: Music Venues

Region: Downtown & Deep Ellum

Cuba Libre

2822 N. Henderson
Dallas, TX 75206

Category: Restaurant > Latin American

Region: East Dallas & Lakewood

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Or that might be what offended her.

Anyway, our attention to detail seems warranted when you consider the plight expressed so vividly by people like Sara Youngquist, who complained, "If I knew where these places were, do you think I'd be single?" The problem is that crowds descend on establishments on different days and at different times, attracted by a particular DJ, band, atmosphere, drink special or whatever lures mobs of horny people. Martini Ranch, for example, has a hold on Monday-night action, thanks to a long-standing drink special. On Tuesday, the 30-and-under crowd heads to Cuba Libre to hear DJ Ragman and guzzle cheap drinks. "It's extremely packed on Tuesdays," says Garett Bratt, a bartender at the Knox-Henderson hotspot. "We have $3 call on everything but premium drinks. Even Crown is $3." If you survive Tuesday, head back to Cuba Libre on Thursday night. It's a more diverse group, somewhat older and more subdued, but your chances of scoring remain high.

On Wednesday, everyone drives up to Reservoir, a surprising spot stuck on the end of a small shopping strip in far, far North Dallas. People who seldom venture beyond LBJ Freeway willingly trek within whispering distance of the Bush Turnpike just to stand in a long line and wait their turn to enter the hedonistic haven. "The food is good, but that's not what draws people," says host Eddy Villela with a smile. The real draw here is the under-30 crowd, DJ Jimbo, dollar drafts and babes--and the realization that people actually have a chance to have sex on Wednesdays.

And now, the weekend.

"We attract a good crowd, quality customers, and they can't hold their liquor," explains Scott Blythe of Whisky Bar. "It's pretty tempting here." The hotspots on Lower Greenville--Whisky Bar, The Beagle and Milk Bar--each offers a different atmosphere. This first spot draws young professionals. "We get some pretty intelligent people around here, at first," Blythe says with a laugh. After a few rounds, brain cells falter, of course. The Beagle owns a longstanding reputation as a meat market, but bartender Dylan Johnson considers it, well, something of a paradox. "It's about as classed up a hole as you can get," he says. "It's like one big house party every Friday and Saturday." While Whisky Bar is relatively intimate, The Beagle packs more than 700 into every nook, cranny and patio. "If a woman blows you off, there are 300 more to talk to," Johnson notes. Milk Bar, meanwhile, is a dark, loud, late-night spot. "We're not really a destination for couples," explains bartender Angelika Swearingen, "and it's dark, so you can't see the other person's flaws."

Apparently the qualities of darkness and noise greatly assist the pickup effort. Memphis in Addison is dim, noisy--it features a live band every night--and intimate. "It's tough to hear over the band," admits Jay Burkhardt, the bar manager. "A guy can try a line on the woman to the right, and the woman on the left can't hear it, so you have another shot." The combination must work. A woman identified only as Andi claims, "I've never gone there without smackin' down." Burkhardt acknowledges the time-honored role of Memphis as a pickup joint: "We're getting second-generation patrons. I'm starting to serve kids that were probably conceived in this place." The bar fills up between 9 and 10--it is Addison, after all.

Among the best places to get laid in Deep Ellum are The Bone and the Green Room. Aside from being a meat market, The Bone benefits from a subliminal form of association, or, as partier Ashley Manson says, "With a name like The Bone, is there really any question as to what kind of place it is?" The large club pulls in an interesting crowd, mostly young, but with a smattering of people in their 40s or 50s. The older crowd waltzes in between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. The younger crowd packs the place from 10 p.m. on. And then, as Higby points out, "everyone dances, shots get drunk, and they proceed to have fun." As we mentioned, the Burning Question crew, or some members therein, may not be allowed back to The Bone after the botched proposal incident. Yet even Higby admits she's used to that kind of thing.

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