Next Time, Phone

Governor Perry an apostle? Nope, he missed his calling.

Being somewhat of a public forum, Buzz receives something on the order of 11,000 e-mails a day, conservatively speaking. We choose not to share these with you, since most are for porn, pleas to help Nigeria transfer $25 million in government money, offers to increase our ejaculate by 300 percent (we're doing just fine as is, thank you) and advertisements for legal marijuana substitutes. (We don't know how we got on that mailing list. Honestly, officer.) We trash most, along with 135 pounds of the snail-mail we receive each week.

We bet Governor Rick Perry does the same, which in his case may be a huge mistake, since his correspondents now include Jesus--as in "of Nazareth."

Or so say Gerald and Linda Polley, a Fargo, North Dakota, couple who channel sprits (see their Web site at http://spiritist.tripod.com/). They recently received a message from JC for Perry, which they forwarded to the gov via certified mail. Apparently, all the burning bushes Jesus sent Perry's way kept getting shunted to voicemail.

Jesus, according to his letter, which we received by (surprise!) e-mail, wanted to make Perry "responsible for all the Souls in Texas." The goal was to get half of all Texans--Republicans, presumably--to send a postcard to President Bush supporting the Kingdom of Heaven's plan for peace in the Middle East, which involves expanding Israel's borders.

But, of course. What else would a nice Jewish boy want?


Intercourse it: Fort Worth Star-Telegram senior business reporter Dan Reed is leaving the paper to join the staff of USA Today as national airline reporter.

So what? So this: Reed is the author of The American Eagle, The Ascent of Bob Crandall and American Airlines, a history that's notable--to Buzz anyway--for what it leaves out, namely most of the dirty words.

"One thing that most definitely is not fascinating about [former American czar] Bob Crandall...is his language...[A]s an evangelical Christian I am offended by it," Reed wrote in the preface.

"As a journalist and as a serious Christian, I faced an ethical dilemma as to whether I should repeat the profane and vulgar language of people quoted in this book. My decision...was to remove such language from direct quotations where it was unnecessary."

Well, heavens to Betsy, Dan, we would have loved to hear what was said. For instance, did Crandall really say he wanted failed rival Legend Airlines' "gonads on a platter" and to "rip off their heads and have intimate relations with their dead eye sockets?"

Probably not, since we just made that up, and the book was pre-Legend, but you get the point.

 
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