Goofy Golf

Plus: Sack of Kittens, What's in a Name?

Goofy Golf

Most writers long to golf or have a cushy TV job for a living. David Feherty, who lives in Dallas, went the opposite route: After golf, he became a CBS Sports commentator, columnist for Golf magazine and now, with A Nasty Bit of Rough, a novelist. Feherty, unlike most golfers, is funny. Like many golfers, he's Irish. His book took characters from his "Sidespin" column (such as the middle-finger-loving old bloke Uncle Dickie) and put them in book form. True to his word, Feherty obeys no rules. Our interview was scheduled for Tuesday. He called on Monday, left a message, then called back on Wednesday.

Don't you just love golf?

I don't really like golf very much, which is a problem at times. Which is why this month's column is about the differences between men's and women's sports. Which was an incredibly stupid thing to write about. I got a little heat over that. But it was generally from, you know, inflamed bovines. [Heavy sigh.]

Explain Uncle Dickie.

Uncle Dickie is an amalgamation of my dad and all the ol' boys he hung out with when I was a pro-shop kid...His stories are an attempt to reach all the sick people reading my work. That is my demographic. The folks who don't take the damn game so seriously.

Yet golf is known for that.

Of course. And yet it's the game that makes you look the most ridiculous. You feel ridiculous playing it. So there needs to be a ridiculous book about it.

How do the players react to your wiseass ways?

You can't get to that level without understanding that the game is ridiculous. I'm not sure what they think of me, but they seem to like it when I'm around. They know I'm not going to screw them. I'm not going to be Johnny Miller. I know the game is really difficult.

Why live in Dallas? You're from the seaside in Northern Ireland, which is...

It's pretty. Dallas is butt-ugly. You're right. But I didn't want to live in Florida, and this is the best place in the United States to travel from and return to. D-FW is the best airport in the world.So, it's because we have a sweet airport?

Yeah.

Fair enough. Is writing hard for you?

It takes me a long time, because I'm a really shitty typist. I liked writing longhand better. You could see your footprints in the snow.

Will there be more shittily typed books soon?

Well, from the promotional paperback cover that just arrived in the mail, I'm now author of A Beastly Turn of Events, which is news to me. I did write the first chapter, which is probably a mistake. But Uncle Dickie and the boys are coming to America...Not sure where it'll take place. But it won't be butt-ugly Dallas. --Eric Celeste


Sack of Kittens

This week in Sack of Kittens: Evamore. Looks like? A couple of local journeymen (read: scrubs) and a front man (one David Kanui, or simply Kanui, as he apparently calls himself) who appears to have missed his audition with disco-sideshow Le Freak. It barely works on Macy Gray; not so much with an average white band. Sounds like? See the last three words of the previous sentence. Evamore is one of those groups that acts as tent poles for Deep Ellum weekends for a few years, then disappears, only to be replaced by another band that looks and sounds the same and, likely, features one or two members of the going-going-gone group. (See: pianist Kirk Tatom and bassist Owen Kinser's résumés, where Deep Blue Something, Atom 12, TOOMuch TV and Lunchbox are listed under "related experience.") Sample lyrics? "Run and get high/No more sorrow/Just give me a chance to borrow/And maybe I'll see you tomorrow," from "30 Day Hump," Evamore's Edge-approved single from its self-titled debut. If they ever get more successful, the third-grade English class they swiped those lyrics from should have grounds for a suit. (Should they even wanna claim ownership.) How they describe themselves? Besides throwing around words such as "soulful," "hypnotic" and "powerful" on their Web site, www.evamore.net, the fellas in Evamore say that thanks to producer David Castell, their debut "sounds as good as any Lenny Kravitz, Dave Matthews or Stone Temple Pilots record." Apparently, no one let them in on this little secret: That's a bad, bad thing. Number of kittens in the sack they're currently standing on? Three, and when they break up and Kanui starts a new band, it'll be standing on that many, too. --Zac Crain

Evamore performs September 21 at Gypsy Tea Room, with Zac Maloy and South FM.


What's in a Name?

This week, we unscramble the mysteries of Dallas Cowboys past and present.

QUINCY CARTER
Quartercynic

JOEY GALLOWAY
Away, jolly ego

ANDRE GURODE
Underdog era

TROY HAMBRICK
My OK rich brat

KEITH ADAMS
Mistake had

MARIO EDWARDS
Is warm or dead

DUANE HAWTHORNE
Underneath, a "who?"

PETE HUNTER
'Ere the punt

DREW PEARSON
Spare wonder

TROY AIKMAN
OK, a tiny arm

MICHAEL IRVIN
I charm in evil

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