Oopsie

It's not easy selecting the Best of Dallas

Coming up with the Best of Dallas issue you hold in your hands is not an easy task. Using vigorous testing and complex statistical analysis, our highly paid team of expert critics combs the city, carefully computing myriad factors that determine which nominees deserve the coveted title "best."

OK, so we pull them out of our asses. Works just the same.

Or does it? As a special treat, we've culled through old "best of" issues throughout the Dallas Observer's noble 127-year history to find cases in which we might, just might, have been a bit too effusive in our praise. We're not saying that Best of Dallas has ever been wrong. We'll let you be the judge.

Best Place to Watch President Kennedy's Motorcade
Dealey Plaza

Kennedy and his lovely bride are due to visit the city in two months, and for Dallasites who want to give him a big friendly Texas "howdy," this is the spot. Our friend Lee, who works in the Texas Schoolbook Depository, told us he has an "amazing view" from this building, on Houston and Elm; the sixth floor, he insisted, "is your best shot" to see the president and Jackie Oh! when they come through town this weekend. But another colleague, whose husband works in the rail yards near the depository, suggests another vantage point slightly off the beaten path, meaning there will be fewer people getting in the way with their pesky movie cameras. It's just on the other side of a picket fence; our friend's husband calls it a "grassy knoll," whatever that means.

Best Bet to Win Dallas' Newspaper War
Dallas Times Herald

With two Pulitzer Prizes under its belt in the past four years, Dallas' No. 1 newspaper--in every way, by the way--continues to thrive; around our house, and probably yours, you can't wait till the afternoon rolls around and Your Friendly Neighborhood Delivery Boy drops by with your copy of this working-class paper, as thick with ads as it is stuffed with great writing. This 105-year-old daily has deep pockets that belong to courageous men, not the least of which is Dean Singleton, the paper's brilliant and gallant publisher; we're also big fans of Shelby Coffey III, the editor in chief and an all-around good guy who once told the Dallas Observer that "the only way The Dallas Morning News will still be around in 1994 is if Robert Decherd sells his soul to the devil or hires away Blackie Sherrod--who he can have, actually." And, face it, Dallas' Democratic-rich soil will never bury so proud a left-leaning publication, especially as long as the Herald's owned by the Times Mirror folks, who swear they will never siphon off the Herald's profits to prop up its other failing properties.

Best Rockin' Religion 100 Miles Away
The Branch Davidians

On our way back from the annual South by Southwest Music Conference in Austin, we stopped just outside Waco to check out a guitar player who was a god, if not the God; isn't that what they said about Eric Clapton? Turns out Vernon Howell is blessed, all right; Jesus, this guy can play. Howell, whose nom de rock is David Koresh, has been accruing a cult following in Mount Carmel for years, and his guitar prowess is a real revelation--a whole book of 'em, matter of fact. Howell used to live in Hollywood, where he nursed his rock-and-roll fantasies before coming back to his home state to lay down some incendiary tracks on the acoustic goddess. Word has it his forthcoming CD release features some lengthy biblical oration--who does he think he is? Elvis?--but the two tracks we heard, "Book of Daniel" and "Sheshonahim" (which, we think, is Hebrew for "kicks effin' ass, dude"), make us true believers. Face it--the guy's on fire.

Best Place to Get Your Prayers Answered
Robert Tilton's Success-N-Life

Sure, some watch it for the kitsch, but we tune in to Pentecostal evangelist Robert Tilton's Success-N-Life television show for the hope. Is Tilton over-the-top? Who's to say, really? Hey, we dig the hair and dimples, but what really stirs our souls is the man's devotion to the thousands who send in prayer requests for Brother Bob's attention. It's a touch hokey, but you can't fake the sort of sincerity Tilton displays, and you have to respect that. We confess, even we cynical Observer types have been known to offer a prayer request or two.

Best Inexpensive Hire for Turning Around the Dallas Independent School District
Yvonne Gonzalez

"A new broom sweeps clean," the old saying goes, and that's certainly been true with DISD's "new broom" Gonzalez. (We're not saying she rode in on one.) No mere piece of furniture filling space at board meetings, Gonzalez has taken charge at the district in a way no other recent superintendent has. Keeping close tabs on school finances with the help of her trusted aide, financial officer Matthew Harden, Gonzalez promises to put an end to the sweetheart deals that plague DISD by treating the taxpayers' money like it was her own.

Best Reason to Get Excited About The Dallas Morning News
New city columnist Steve Blow

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