God Bless Dubya

Plus: Laura-blanca, Color Coded

WEBB: [Her spokesperson, Crayton Webb, hands her one of her Dallas Observer column.] Your article, ma'am, from '96 when you called Chris Luna a liar, declared his political career over and established his long-standing ties to the topless club industry, proving you should have expected as much when you appointed him.

MAYOR LAURA: Oh. Thank you. [She turns to the crowd of TV cameras.] SHOCKED, I say!

LAURABLANCA, Pitch No. 2 (2003)

MAYOR LAURA: I am shocked, shocked to find that many of my most loyal supporters like Sharon Boyd and Avi Adelman are members of the local Kookocracy.

WEBB: [whispering] Ms. Boyd and Mr. Adelman are perched on top of the Henry Moore sculpture out front, calling for you.

MAYOR LAURA: Oh. Thank you very much. [She turns to the crowd of TV cameras.] We cannot allow kooks in City Hall!

LAURABLANCA, Pitch No. 3 (2003)

MAYOR LAURA: I am shocked, shocked to find that my appointee to the plan commission, David Spence, was involved in real estate speculation.

WEBB: [whispering] Ms. Mayor, here are statements from you suggesting that David Spence is a real estate developer who is your Oak Cliff neighbor, a longtime supporter and personal friend.

MAYOR LAURA: Oh. Thank you. [She turns to the crowd of TV cameras.] How does this sort of thing happen?!

Color Coded

In this month's D magazine, the monthly published a special report titled "Race, Ethnicity and Class in Dallas." The report took a serious, thoughtful look at, well, racial and class-driven issues in the city. But because of the report's complexity--charts, surveys and many big numbers were included--Full Frontal got real tired reading it. Instead of absorbing the report's message, then, we thought it better to commission our own report, one that is much easier to grasp and far less interested in fairness. After an exhaustive 24-minute Internet search, we present the following: "Race, Ethnicity and Class in D Magazine Cover Images: A Chart"

What is the racial breakdown of...

Race, Ethnicity
...D magazine covers during the past 36 months?
...Dallas, the namesake of D?
...the Park Cities, the focus of D?

‡ Our methodology: We went to www.dmagazine.com and checked out the little thumbnail pics of covers in the site's archives section. The site only went back three years, thus ending our sample survey. We were confused about the ethnicity of a few of the models, so we checked with an editor there. After the editor answered our questions, he asked, "What's this for, anyway?" That's when we hung up.

* One cover was deemed racially neutral. No, it was not the doctored image of Tom Hicks. It was the "Best New Restaurants" picture of a spring berry and vanilla crème brûlée in April 2002. For the record, it looked tasty.

** The September 2002 issue was about Dr. Phil McGraw, and it contained an image of Oprah Winfrey. It shouldn't really count, but, technically, Oprah is black. We fact-checked that.

*** The same Hispanic model was used for consecutive "Best of Dallas" issues, in August 2001 and 2002.

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