Sack of Kittens

In this installment of Sack of Kittens: Loaded Moses. Looks like? If the entire city of Flower Mound could be distilled into five people, they would look something like these fellas. The same scenario would also work if you replaced Flower Mound with Lewisville or Farmers Branch, or possibly Mars Music. Too bad the name Average White Band was already taken. Sounds like? Half-ass poetry mixed with all-ass rock. Think Creed jamming with Incubus on a Puddle of Mudd song, and then weep for America's youth. Next: Consider a long nap and a hot shower, because you'll probably need both. Again, it's a shame the name Average White Band is spoken for. Sample lyrics? "The clock up there is ticking by/I know it's cliché but it seems time flies," from "Summerswell" off the group's The Afterglow. Lesson No. 1: Identifying the problem in your lyrics is not the same as correcting it. Or, "Caress the sonic grip and pull it down till all is moving/Now kick that shit one click and cut a path so you can fly again," from "Technicolor Drivechain." Lesson No. 2: If you feel the need to use "kick that shit" in your lyrics, maybe you should just stick with the clichés. Which brings us to Lesson No. 3: Break up. Immediately. Don't worry about getting your deposit back for the rehearsal space. Just go. Now is not the time to think of yourself. How they describe themselves? "A convergence of creative and artistic energy, developed through and expressed by an intense aural and visual stimulation!" How off the mark is that sentence? Really, the only words we don't have a problem with are "of," "and," "by" and "an." Number of kittens in the sack they're currently standing on? Five, and they've already developed into a better band.