I know what you're thinking. "In-line skating for colon cancer? Isn't it a bit screwy to ask suffering people to Rollerblade in front of huge crowds?" Fortunately, this year's TDDC (Texas Digestive Disease Consultants) Great Skate of Texas isn't so demented, kicking off on June 8 to raise funds and awareness for the disease. Anyone who laces up and pays a registration fee (between $15 to $40) is eligible, and skaters can either kick back with a free skate or join in a variety of races that vary based on skill level and number of pads attached to your elbows. If you like being impressed by people with coordination far surpassing your own, check out the 25K race, which will feature skaters from such teams as Bont Speed and K2. Apparently, at last year's Great Skate, a few folks tripped over timing mats that were used to clock time and speed. Fortunately, TDDC has remedied last year's calamity by instituting a new timing system. This should also prevent the need for a charity for in-line skaters who get hurt while raising money for charities. Skate for a good cause at Clark High School in Plano, east of Alma between Legacy Drive and Spring Creek Parkway. Visit www.greatskate.net. --Sam Machkovech
We generally scoff at events where it's noted that "everyone wins." It makes us laugh to think that even we--the self-abusing, physically inept writers we are--would receive a prize for simply giving it a good old-fashioned try. But in this case, everyone does win. At the Andres Herrera 5K Walk-Run benefiting children afflicted with Krabbe Leukodystrophy illnesses, your contribution of time and energy can help save lives. It's June 7 at Trinity Park in Fort Worth. Call 817-847-5762. --Leah Gerchario
Judging by the vast number of you who, when visiting downtown, go the wrong way on a one-way street, this Indy Racing gig will go huge. Texas Motor Speedway will be hosting the Indy Racing League Fan Experience from June 5 through June 7, where fans can "do it all," which we assume doesn't include crashing and dying, but one can hope. It does include pit-stop practices and a racing simulator. Call the speedway at 817-215-8500. --John Gonzalez
So what's really underneath those kilts?
Just as Monty Python's scathingly brief "Scottish Farewell" sketch foretold, "Herrrre comes another one!" Another what? Another opportunity to publicly trumpet one's heritage, celebrate one of the fine cultural traditions that contributes to our big, beautiful melting pot of a nation, or just be a drunken arse, as the annual Texas Scottish Festival and Highland Games begins Friday evening. From haggis to harps, the gamut is to be run as "the number one (such) festival in North America" aims to prove that if it's not Scottish, it is, indeed, crap. Feel compelled to toss a big pole called a caber or throw a 20-pound hammer? Wanna brush up on your Gaelic? Care to catch up on some falconry? How about just a how-to on whipping up a wicked shortbread? That's all here. A Scottish festival without a decapitation may seem a bit sketchy, but they're the experts, so don't despair just yet: In lieu of lopped heads, dimpled spheres will be soaring about when the Kilted Golf Tournament gets under way. Expect lots of swinging. Expect lots of balls. There are also sports, food, crafts, music and something called "the bonniest knees," which could be either really saucy or repugnant. Sounds good, eh? How about this: largest pub tent on the continent. Yeah, that's what we thought. The festival is open to anyone, including the little ones, but bring a pram. For the sake of your children, think of their eye-to-kilt perspective. The event is held at Maverick Stadium at the University of Texas at Arlington, and ticket prices vary. Call 1-800-650-1918. --Matt Hursh