Miracle Grow

Plus: Shout Out of the Week...; Needless Things

Everlast Plastic Casket: Inventor Dan Stock claims that with this casket, "individuals can securely contain their physical remains for many years to come." What with soil turbulence becoming such an enormous problem in the burial services industry, we can't wait to purchase our own. Not only does it offer unrivaled "security," but it also "helps prevent the spread of viruses from decaying bodies." And thank goodness, because we are over that pesky decay bug that's been going around.

Reading Device: Place the book under the interestingly named device and it reads to you. Maybe it's because writing is our livelihood, but with some exceptions, shouldn't the whole point of reading be to promote literacy? The product is allegedly meant for the "non-literate," but somehow we feel it will surely fall into the wrong hands and profit largely from the lazy fraction of the population.

Sensi-Mirror: We honestly can't figure out what the hell this is supposed to do. Invent-Tech claims Seyedeh Shourideh's invention has "endless variable possibilities." Such possibilities include serving as "creative decoration" and providing a "positive psychological and relaxing effect on the purchaser." Ten bucks says her thought process leading up to the Sensi-Mirror involved either mind-altering drugs or a stay in a large, clean building in Terrell.

BEFORE & AFTER
BEFORE & AFTER

Tobacco Can Pouch: "Chewing tobacco stays handy without ruining pants." Ahhhh, at last. "The pouch is convenient to use and will always stay with you." Kinda like a bad habit, huh?

Surecut: "Saw your heart out safely with less waste." We have absolutely nothing to follow that one. --Merritt Martin

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