Secret Sharer

Bolton's dirty laundry--if he had any--stays in the hamper

Well, shoot, that was disappointing.

We're talking about fired police Chief Terrell Bolton's appearance this week before a city council hearing. (Jim Schutze writes at length about the event in this week's issue, so yes, Buzz is just piling on. What's your point?) Anyhow, the day before the hearing, Bolton had threatened in The Dallas Morning News to reveal all sorts of city secrets. "Let's have some fun," he said.

Now that's more like it, Buzz thought, though we were a touch skeptical. Bolton apparently was the only man within a four-county area unaware that a large, vocal part of the city was dissatisfied with his job performance, so we were doubtful that he knew anything secret. Still, the chance to see him air even a little bit of dirty laundry was promising, certainly better than seeing him bawl. If you're going down, go down in flames, not a flood.

And what'd we get? Nothing. Zero. Bupkis. The man was head of a major metropolitan police department for four years, and he has no dirt to dish--other than the fact that he's now channeling God? But, of course, our former police chief doesn't have a clue. 'Splains a lot about the city's crime rate. Given the department's performance on Bolton's watch, though, you'd think at least one city council member could have had a bunch of chalk planted in his or her car. Give us something to work with, Terrell.

Sigh...

Buzz hates to disappoint, however, so to make up for Bolton's shortcoming--or rather, one of his many shortcomings--we'd like to offer the following secrets that Bolton didn't share:

··· Council member John Loza is a closet heterosexual.

··· Mayor Laura Miller privately chain-smokes unfiltered Pall Malls and keeps a coop full of roosters hidden in her toolshed.

··· Council member James Fantroy is, in fact, disgraced former council member Al Lipscomb Jr. wearing one of those cool full-face, pull-off disguises, like the old guy in Scooby-Doo.

··· City Manager Ted Benavides' real name is Walter Smith, and his family hails from Dubuque, Iowa, not any Latin American country.

The disadvantage to our secrets is that, sadly, none of them happens to be true...as far as we know. Still, these are desperate times to be in the news biz in Dallas, what with Bolton finally about to ride off into the sunset (on a rail). So we're asking--nay, pleading: Terrell, before you go, could you send some of the good dishy stuff to Buzz, care of this newspaper? We promise we won't share it with anyone except Buzz's readers, which amount to 10 or 12 people tops.

Consider it an act of Christian charity, Mr. Ex-Chief. Otherwise, the city's media types are just going to start casting about for someone else to put at the bottom of the dogpile. Sa-a-a-y, now that we mention it, what has DISD been up to lately?

 
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