What's Cookin', Rock?

The O.C.: Dirty from jump. Those little girls require it. Better, they distribute it. Even the moms are sluts, raising the awesome-factor exponentially. When Summer tells her girlfriend, "You gotta get back on that horse," there are no lines to read between. Bless her.

Advantage: The O.C.

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More About

• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
• The O.C. (TV Show)
• Christopher Walken
• Beverly Hills, 90210
• Fritz Von Erich

Drugs

90210: The drug plots were predictable. On the first show, a character was introduced to a drug; on the next show, the character was hooked on said drug; on the third show, the character was in rehab.

The O.C.: Many and varied. On the first show, the main characters go to a party that has more coke than a concession stand. Then, in the last summer episode, Marissa overdoses on painkillers while in Tijuana--and, really, who hasn't?

Advantage: The O.C.

Rock and Roll

90210: Gotta give them credit for a catchy opening song, and the Flaming Lips weren't bad either. Other than that, mostly awful house bands played while Steve Sanders said things like: "You know, I've never been a big fan of alternative music, but these guys rocked the house!"

The O.C.: Not much music yet. The theme song (Phantom Planet's "California") is good. The music in the background isn't bad either, but, then, who cares?

Advantage: Push

One-liners

90210: Notoriously bad with its one-liners. Dylan's stuck with us. "You wanna know what happened? Life's a bitch is what happened!" Sweet.

The O.C.: "Welcome to the O.C., bitch!" Enough said.

Advantage: The O.C.

In the end, not only does The O.C. soundly defeat Beverly Hills, 90210, it also has to be considered the best show in the history of television. Ever. --John Gonzalez and Zac Crain

We Are Out of Words

Here's the deal: It's nearly 11 p.m. on Sunday, and we're putting the finishing touches on this 352-page monster known as Best of Dallas. We're still several hours from leaving. And five minutes ago, a young graphic designer named Mike came to us and said, "Dude, we need a few more words in Full Frontal."

To which we said, "Dude, we are out of words."

And he replied, "Dude, that's cool, but what up? We got space."

Sigh.

See, the beast that is Dallas Observer is never sated. She needs words like Audrey needed blood. And we are Seymour. We feed the beast.

But not tonight. Tonight, we are out of words.

Out...

of...

words.

We used them up. Please read them. They're very entertaining. Just don't ask us for any more words this week.

Instead, enjoy a nice photo of Dmagazine's editor, above. Bye.