Great. That's just great. Damn you, Internet. What's next? Will we learn that kicking someone in the head is not, in fact, the act of a pacifist, or that it is physically impossible to leap six feet straight in the air and turn a full circle, kicking 10 men in the chops before turning a back flip and landing upright?
Facts. We need facts. Maybe these warriors from China's Shaolin temple, the center of Chinese Kung Fu for more than 1,000 years, can help. They promise an action-filled demonstration of hand-to-hand and weapons combat skills honed through countless hours of practice. The show offers precise gymnastics blended with the grace of ballet along with, one would hope, a whole lotta simulated ass-whupping. You know, like pro wrasslin', only classier.
The Shaolin Warriors perform at 7 p.m. Monday. And while Caine says "a Shaolin monk does not sell himself for a handful of rice," tickets for the show range from $20 to $42.50 (call 817-212-4280 or visit www.basshall.com). But then, what does Caine know? That clown's probably from Jersey. --Patrick Williams
Huey Lewis doesn't get much airplay these days. Maybe he'll occasionally pop up on some noontime '80s flashback show, but he still hasn't quite graduated to the classic-rock stations yet. He made a name for himself as an average working-class musician with an average working-class band, The News, but never became an average working-class sensation like Bruce Springsteen, or John (Cougar) Mellencamp for that matter. His 1984 album Sports may have sold more than 7 million copies, but the only time you ever see Lewis on TV anymore is when VH1 is airing one of its trashy rock-and-sex-and-roll exposés. It's always the same short clip from "I Want a New Drug" with Lewis in his white boxers enlarged for detail and slowed down for a thorough examination, because Lewis has a reputation among groupies as the most well-endowed man in rock and roll. Millions of albums sold, a slew of top 10 hits and Huey Lewis will still go down as the biggest schlong in rock and roll. Huey Lewis and The News perform Tuesday at 8 p.m. at Bass Hall, Fourth and Calhoun, Fort Worth. $45 to $65. 817-212-4280 or 1-877-212-4280. www.basshall.com. --Jay Webb
Frampton comes alive and back to Dallas
Do you remember Peter Frampton? Did Frampton Comes Alive!, like, totally change your life? Ooh, baby, do you love his way? If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we've got an event you'll want to know about. (We also have a message for you: The '70s called, and, well, it may be time to check into voice mail.) In support of his first studio album in nine years, Frampton is bringing his Now tour to Dallas. Although the arena rocker hasn't really rocked since about 1976 (when the only rocking many of today's chart-toppers were doing was in their mamas' arms), Frampton is hoping he can come alive yet again. And why not? He lived through the '70s. He overcame drug addiction. Doesn't he deserve another shot? If it's good enough for VH1's Behind the Music, it must be all right. Frampton performs October 15 at 8 p.m. at the Majestic Theatre, 1925 Elm St. Tickets start at $30. Call Ticketmaster at 214-373-8000. --Rhonda Reinhart
Down on Skid Row
Warning: Although Little Shop of Horrors in its various stage and screen forms (be it 1986's Frank Oz film musical or the Roger Corman original film version) is very definitely entertaining, the show will be stolen by one very minor character. The story line of a murderous and carnivorous plant shooting a lowly whipping boy of sorts to stardom and then trying to kill him and his cohorts is darkly amusing and stabbing on its own, but it's a certain five minutes of a masochistic dental patient that has us on the floor every time. Jack Nicholson and Bill Murray have nailed the role with their pleas for no nitrous on the big screen, and with such good role models, we're hoping Grapevine's Runaway Theatre can come through for our favorite part of the homicidal, Skid Row soul-singing fiasco. The Runway kicks off the Horror on Friday at 215 N. Dooley St., Grapevine, and the bloodlust continues through November 2. Showtimes are Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. with a matinee on Sundays at 3 p.m. Tickets are $12 or $10 for seniors and students. Call 817-488-4842. --Merritt Martin