Depress Tour

I coulda sworn I was there when they turned on the TV

July 26: Last day of press tour. Fatigue long ago set in amongst TV critics, who have realized what a horrible profession they've chosen after sitting through hours of new fall programming. Time for syndicated shows, most of which feature "Judge" somewhere in title, to make their pitches; Sharon Osbourne and Ellen DeGeneres outnumber critics in attendance.

We run this picture of Paris Hilton because we’re not allowed to run the other ones.
We run this picture of Paris Hilton because we’re not allowed to run the other ones.

At night, awards handed out by TCA over dinner, provided by celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito; kitchen catches fire, food inedible. Consider making reality TV series out of fiasco; decide it's not worth the effort. Awards handed out early because organizers fear critics will lose interest after ABC debuts its schedules. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart receives most of evening's accolades for, among other things, Program of the Year and Outstanding Achievement in News and Information. Stewart accepts award for latter; asks audience of voters, "What the fuck is wrong with you people?" Nod in silent, sanctimonious agreement.

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