Top Dog

Plus: Bad Medicine; Sack of Kittens

Flatulence: "She's Like the Wind" (Patrick Swayze)

Genital warts: "Blister in the Sun" (Violent Femmes)

Incontinence: "Here I Go Again" (Whitesnake)

Jock itch: "Great Balls of Fire" (Jerry Lee Lewis)

Pinkeye/Glaucoma: "In Your Eyes" (Peter Gabriel)

PMS: "Red River Blues" (Leadbelly)

Social anxiety disorder: "Too Shy" (Kajagoogoo)

Vaginosis: "That Smell" (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Yeast infection: "Fire Down Below" (Bob Seger) --Merritt Martin and Michelle Martinez

Sack of Kittens
In this installment of Sack of Kittens: Sleezus Fist and the Latter Day Taints. Looks like? In every high school, there's a kid who discovers punk rock and then suddenly decides he is Sid Vicious. Imagine that kid finding four others just like him outside of a Hot Topic and starting a band. Except they just sit around all the time debating whether or not something is punk. Like Good Charlotte. Or culottes. Sounds like? They admirably attempt to recreate the late '70s punk sound. Only they fail miserably and compound the problem by letting some chick play violin on every song. Some would say their inability to play their instruments and their unwillingness to play by the rules is very punk rock. We would call those people the unfortunate parents of someone in a band called the Latter Day Taints. List of things their songs unintentionally remind me of? Cats copulating, the time I accidentally fell on a pitchfork (long story), why I occasionally hate my life. Two signs they are already out of ideas? The band is called Sleezus Fist and the Latter Day Taints. Good start. The lineup includes bassist Johnny Cancer, singer-guitarist Ethan the Heathen and violinist Sin-D Trainwreck. Not too shabby. Then comes trouble: drummer Jarrod and guitarist Marco. Fellas, come on. Suck it up. This isn't church camp. Number of kittens in the sack they're currently standing on? Two, because that's how the Pistols did it. --Zac Crain

Sleezus Fist and the Latter Day Taints perform March 4 at Rubber Gloves Rehearsal Studios.

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