Talkin' Doo-doo

The DMN's special section was great. And weird. Of course.

The Dallas Morning News special section a week ago, "Dallas at the Tipping Point," was really strong stuff. I know, I know. You're just waiting for me to find fault with it. After all, the News, such a booster these years, finally presented statistical evidence to show that Dallas is totally screwed.

It was negative. I'm negative. Why would I find fault with that?

I'm just curious...that's all. I just have a few questions. Like, why now? Why the Morning News? And, what was it, anyway? It wasn't a news story. It wasn't in response to anything that happened.

Mark Andresen
The DMN's editorial page editor, Keven Ann Willey, agrees that the city charter needs to be re-examined.
Mark Graham
The DMN's editorial page editor, Keven Ann Willey, agrees that the city charter needs to be re-examined.

On Sunday, April 18, the Morning News published a free-standing 20-page section reporting that Dallas has major-major economic, governance and social ills based on findings by Booz Allen Hamilton. Based on my own conversations with typical readers, many people wondered what newspaper would be dumb enough to hire a reporter whose first name was Booz. And very few people read the whole thing.

They should have. It was a solid piece of work. Booz, by the way, is an international consulting firm whose mottos, according to its Web page, are "Strategy with technology," "Insight with action," "Delivering results that endure," "Booz Allen is a great place to work in the Netherlands" and "We just can't settle on a motto." Um, I made up that last one. Sorry.

The agenda of the Booz people is obvious. They got paid. But what was Belo's agenda in paying them? Truth and purity? And now my 140-pound Weimaraner can fly? Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself for taking that tone. Let's try to approach this with the dignity and sobriety the subject deserves.

First, the doo-doo thing. In his response to the report, City Manager Teodoro Benavides told Morning Newsreporters, "I think it's a pile of doo-doo."

Critics have been characterizing Benavides' doo-doo remark as undignified and weird. I think some of that criticism is unfair. The word, do, is a mainstay of the language, occupying almost six pages of the Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary ("1631: heer's a deal of doo, indeede").

In 1986, then-Vice President George H.W. Bush brought the term doo-doo to the fore by telling a reporter that Chinese officials who criticized the regime in Beijing might find themselves in "deep doo-doo."

In late March of this year, doo-doo burst back into the headlines when Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry objected that his handlers were "scared I'm gonna step in doo-doo."

Bush, Kerry, Yale? Skull&Bones? Doo-doo? We can only ponder. But I'll say this: If those elite preppies can get away with it, I think beating up on our city manager is hypocritical, and I will even go so far as to call it doo-doo poo-poo.

Needless to say, city staff, the mayor and city council members all sounded very defensive when the News asked them about its findings. The more interesting thing about the News' special section, though, was the manner in which the newspaper itself seemed so obviously to pull its punches at the end. The entire presentation pointed inexorably to one conclusion: The system of government that we have in Dallas is broken; it's stupid; it does not work.

And, of course, it was very gratifying to several of us here at the Observer to have The Dallas Morning Newsstaff doff their white robes, snatch up their hymnals and come stand behind us in the Dallas Observer Civic Choir. We have been saying for years exactly what their special section said: Under the system at City Hall, no one is responsible for anything; everybody points at everybody else; nobody gets fired; the buck never stops anywhere.

For years the Newsacted as if we were a bunch of carping commie carpetbaggers. Now they spend a rumored $400,000 to have a consultant named Booz tell them we were right. But we are not going to gloat, OK? We're too dignified for that.

The pulled punch was this: At the very back of the section, on something that looked like an editorial page, the Newssaid officially and editorially that there is no need for any fundamental structural change at City Hall. The best the Newscould offer was a suggestion that Dallas City Hall place "citizen satisfaction at the top of its organizational chart."

I don't think that one was a Booz Allen idea. I'm trying to imagine the org chart. Mayor and City Manager both report to Citizen Satisfaction?

I think I may know the true identity of Citizen Satisfaction, by the way, and we will get to that in a moment. Think: Citizen Kane.

It's strange, on the surface of it. They loaded the gun, went down on Main Street at high noon, slapped leather, got the drop...and then said, "Just kidding." And this isn't merely my perception. A respected establishmentarian-type said to me, "It's like they backed the hearse up to the funeral home, but they never unloaded the stiff."

DMN editorial page editor Keven Ann Willey told me my view was a misinterpretation of their intent: "Here's what we meant," she said. "Yes, the [city] charter does need serious re-examination. I mean, we said that a couple of times in the editorial. And by that we meant that one kind of revision might mean moving to a strong-mayor system. That might be a good idea, if not a panacea.

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