You'd have to pay us to see New York Minute. But it would cost you only 15 bucks or so, enough to cover a ticket, soda and popcorn. We're cheap. And the yard work can wait. So here's a deal we can't pass up. For the cost of that old, dusty can of lima beans in the pantry (or newer, shinier, tastier canned goods), people will receive a ticket to a current movie during the Cans Film Fest, a pre-opening party of the new AMC theater in Valley View Center. The North Texas Food Bank will be accepting canned food items beginning at 6 p.m., and donators will receive a ticket to movies starting every five minutes between 7 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. Several movies will be offered--from PG to R-rated--but the identities will remain a secret until doors open. Seating is limited. AMC Valley View 16 Theatre is located at 13331 Preston Road. Call 972-724-8000.
Friday, May 14
By age 25, we'd seen our share of cowboy, Native American and Southwestern art. There was even a brief flirtation in the '80s with the genre by way of a pastel pueblo-inspired comforter set and matching curtains. But Dallas artist John Nieto takes his art in such a different direction that even us been-there-done-thats can appreciate it. His Native American-based works are part traditional, part contemporary, mixing the bold colors of pop artist Peter Max with images of buffalo, coyotes, bears and tribesmen. A new exhibition of his work opens, coinciding with the grand opening of John Patrick Fine Art, 2925 Fairmount St., from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Nieto's son Anaya is the gallery's new director. The space also includes work by Jay Miller, Chris Lattanzio and more. Call 214-965-9027.
Saturday, May 15
During his first visit to the Fort Worth Stockyards, our nephew squealed and pointed into the crowd. "Look at that!" he yelled. He didn't mean the cattle with the car-width horns or the man with the long, greased mustache and tall cowboy hat that looked like a camel's hump. He meant the African-American cowboy in spurs and chaps. He'd never seen a cowboy that looked like his best friend John, so he had his picture taken with him. Each year kids who've never seen a cowboy who looks like them get to when the Texas Black Invitational Rodeo comes to town. This year, the celebration is expanded with Rodeo 101, a day at the African American Museum that has cowboys, horses, bulls and calves performing and meeting fans. There will also be photos with Barney, "the toughest bull in the Southwest," and a mechanical bull for those nursing a cowboy fantasy. The event is noon to 5 p.m., and admission is free. The museum is located at 3536 Grand Ave. Call 214-565-9026.
Sunday, May 16
Our car is boring: black exterior, tan cloth interior, factory stereo, and it can't do a single trick (unless you count everything breaking within a month of the warranty expiring). But, in two months, it will be paid for. And then everything that hasn't already been repaired will break, we're sure. Next time, though, we're starting early. Flame-style paint job, ground effects, neon lights around the license plates, maybe even some hydraulics. What? Don't laugh. According to Lowrider Magazine, "what began as an exclusively Hispanic art form in South California has expanded over the last 10 years to include participants of many ethnicities." I'm sure Midwestern geeky girls are included. And we'll find out for sure when Lowrider Magazine's Lowrider Evolution Tour 2004 comes to Fair Park from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. There will be a show of customized vehicles from cars to SUVs to tricycles, a hydraulics competition, a bikini contest, live music, displays, vendor booths and an awards ceremony for Dallas' best, some of whom will compete later at the $10,000 Quaker State Championship Cup. Admission for spectators is $30 (kids 10 and younger are admitted free). Vehicle registration is $25 in advance and $45 for walkups. Hydraulics competitors pay $60. Call 714-769-7474 or visit www.lowridermagazine.com.
Monday, May 17
We'd never expected Wayne Brady, that saccharine, coffee-endorsing, Disney-friendly improv comedian-cum-talk show host to say, "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" But, thanks to Dave Chappelle, he did. It is a wonderful world. Thanks also to Chappelle and his Comedy Central catharsis, Chappelle's Show, for a parody of TLC home shows called Trading Spouses, a game show called I Know Black People and a segment with musical guests guitarist John Mayer and drummer ?uestlove playing different instruments and beats in order to make different ethnicities stop everything and dance. Despite his show schedule, Chappelle is returning to his first love, stand-up, which he's been doing for more than half his life, for The Grass Roots Tour. Like with the show, Chappelle's jokes are mainly race-based. See how he compares in person when he performs at the Addison Improv, 4980 Belt Line Road, Sunday and Monday at 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. Tickets are $35. Call 972-404-8501.
Tuesday, May 18
To some, the Bank of America Colonial PGA golf tournament is the home of five-time winner Ben Hogan. To others, it's the place where Tiger Woods completely blew his lead in 1997. To us, it's the championship that "awards" its winners with those attractive red plaid blazers. It's like, "Hey, you won millions of dollars for playing golf, so now you get to wear an ugly jacket on national television." People have performed far more embarrassing feats on reality shows for less money. But it's also the chance to see the best players in golf compete an hour or so away at the Colonial Country Club, 3735 Country Club Circle, Fort Worth. Admission is free Monday and Tuesday for various pro-ams and practices. It's $30 for spectators on Wednesday (another pro-am) and Thursday (an 18-hole round) and $45 for the competitions on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Badges for the week cost $100 to $175. Several local charities benefit from the play, including Cook Children's Medical Center. Defending champion Kenny Perry will try to capture the $5.3 million prize and become the first person to win the Colonial two years in a row. Call 817-927-4280 for tickets.