You've watched way too much Friends if you can name which stage performance freaks the pants off Chandler. (Zero points if you answered the naked Kathleen Turner in The Graduate.) The correct answer is Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance, since, as Chandler frighteningly explains, it seems that "his legs flail about as if independent from his body." Maybe Chan wouldn't have had the bejeezus scared out of him if he'd had the opportunity to learn the flaily dance himself--which is what Dallasites have a chance to do on Wednesday at the Lord of the Dance master class. Dallas Summer Musicals School of Musical Theatre offers the seminar, featuring performers from Lord of the Dance, to intermediate and advanced students ages 12 or older who are interested in latching onto the "new wave of Celtic dance mania." Who knows--this could put you on track to someday claim Flatley's Guinness Book title of "world's fastest feet" (he's been clocked at 35 taps per second). For best results, some experience in tap dancing is recommended, but if you're too two-left-footed, spectators are welcome to observe budding jiggers at the Majestic Theatre, 1925 Elm St., from 1 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. Though the master class is free, space is limited. Call 214-969-7469. The touring production of Lord of the Dance performs Tuesday through June 13 at the Music Hall in Fair Park. Call Ticketmaster at 214-373-8000. --Michelle Martinez
span class="storyhed">Dead Funny
The Bard's belly laughs
We were convinced we hated Shakespeare. But we just hate reading Shakespeare. All that wading through obsolete and obscure words drags out the jokes, spoils the fun and makes us want to exact a bloody rampage worthy of a double feature with Titus (our favorite of The Bard's). But see his work performed live and you won't even notice the words you don't know; they'll spew forth like blood from a virile, teenage Capulet. The witty wordplay, the dashing swordplay and the seamless pratfalls will instead take center stage. Still not convinced? Try Comedy of Errors, Shakespeare's first comedy and one of the most accessible of his plays. The Shakespeare Festival of Dallas opens its season with this tale of twins separated in a shipwreck as infants and reunited 25 years later. Expect slapstick comedy, mistaken identities and some vocabulary as dead as Hamlet's dad at 8 p.m. Friday through Sunday at the Ellipse at Addison Circle Park, 4970 Addison Circle Drive. Admission is $7. Call 214-559-2778. --Shannon Sutlief
Things funnier than Carrot Top: Doing your taxes. Removing your fingernails with pliers. Getting hit by a car, run over by a bus, then eaten by dogs. Gallagher. Getting dumped on Valentine's Day. Catching on fire. Losing your virginity to a prostitute, who steals your wallet. Getting fired on Christmas Eve. Is this supposed to be a plug for Carrot Top's 8 p.m. June 5 performance at the Charles W. Eisemann Center? Right. Sure. Uh-hunh. Call 972-744-4650 for $20 to $55 tickets. --Robert Wilonsky
The orchestra salutes MLK Jr.
African-American composer Adolphus Hailstork's "Epitaph for a Man Who Dreamed" is a meditation on the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Hailstork replaces the staccato sound of an assassin's gunshot with something much more beautiful. Hailstork is one of the musicians who present the performances, lectures and youth orchestra showcases at the 2004 Dallas Symphony Orchestra African American Festival, which takes place at 8 p.m. Friday at the Morton H. Meyerson Symphony Center, 2301 Flora St. A performance prelude by Dr. Eileen Hays of the University of North Texas will be held in Horchow Hall from 7:10 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Tickets are free, but reservations are required. Call 214-692-0203 or visit www.meyersonsymphonycenter.com. --Stephanie Durham