Old News

The second verse sounds the same as the first for Parcells' Cowboys

I understand where he's coming from.


The day before camp breaks, the media gather for the daily Parcells news conference. But when Big Bill is done talking, we're told to keep our seats because there's an important announcement to be made. I'm not so thrilled about that because it's lunchtime and there's free McDonald's to be eaten.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones walks to the podium accompanied by someone I've never seen. He's a short man who's wearing a Cowboys shirt and too-tight pants that are needlessly held in place by suspenders. Still, I like this guy's style. He has a big puff of hair--like he blow-dried it all day and then picked it out--and he's just goofy enough to be cool.

Bill Parcells, in his second year as coach, looks as stylish as ever.
Ken Howard
Bill Parcells, in his second year as coach, looks as stylish as ever.
Keyshawn Johnson loves himself. The reporters? Uh, not so much.
Ken Howard
Keyshawn Johnson loves himself. The reporters? Uh, not so much.

Turns out he's the mayor of Oxnard. General Jerry and Mayor Manuel Lopez tell us that the Cowboys will be back here for training camp next year. (This has been the worst-kept secret in camp. Yesterday, Parcells was asked about coming back here next year, and he was just about to say he was all for it when he had to stop in midsentence because Rich Dalrymple was waiving him off. "Wait, is that official?" Parcells asked. "OK, I don't know anything. I'm like Sergeant Schultz on that one.")

For the first time all week, I'm absolutely positive about something; there are no shades of gray on this issue. The Cowboys couldn't have made a better decision in coming back to Oxnard. It's a first-rate camp, and more convenient than any other in recent memory. The housing, food, weight-training, media and practice facilities are all on the hotel grounds and within a short walk of each other. Which is good for the players, because it saves time, and it's good for me, because I'm lazy.

And while I'm not sure how the Cowboys will do this season, I am certain of at least one other thing: Just like the Cowboys are "America's Team," there needs to be a push to name Lopez "America's Mayor." I mean, what other mayor in America rocks suspenders and a mini-Afro? Seriously, the man is a pimp.

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
6
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
 
Loading...