Pants on Fire

Looking forward to even more whoppers next year

Wow. What a year. The city's ship of state is pulling apart at the welds. Down in the engine room they're up to their necks in saltwater. Somebody threw the captain overboard. A big pirate ship from the Park Cities just hove into view. They want us to behead the remaining officers. We're thinking about it.

Speaking as a Dallas Observer columnist, this has been the second-best year of my life. The next one will be the best.

Please understand. Rascality and mayhem are to me what wheat is to a miller. And I see bumper crops ahead.

In these computer-generated images from the city's Trinity Web page, people enjoy recreational amenities that in fact are not included in the Trinity River Plan.
In these computer-generated images from the city's Trinity Web page, people enjoy recreational amenities that in fact are not included in the Trinity River Plan.

For example, recently arrived on my desk is the slickly produced special D magazine Trinity River edition, just out, called "The Trinity: How the river will change Dallas forever." This magazine--a collection of preposterous whoppers, fibs, prevarications, exaggerations, subterfuge, propaganda and Orwellian doublespeak--is an omen of things just ahead.

This is a town where some people think telling big fat whoppers is "leadership" and believing those whoppers is "having faith." This magazine on my desk--a "special report" by D, Dallas' quarter-century-old city magazine--is a perfect example.

The magazine is a sales pitch for the Trinity River project, Dallas' own "Big Dig," an ambitious multibillion-dollar public works project to rebuild the Trinity where it flows through the center of the city. By a very narrow vote in 1998, voters approved $246 million for parks and a sailboat lake in the center of downtown. An expensive ad campaign for the proposal assured voters that the city's $246 million would be matched with $1.2 billion in state and federal funds.

What a deal. We put $246 million on the table. They put in $1.2 billion. We turn a foul-smelling sump downtown into a mini-Mediterranean. Developers rush in with cool condo towers and waterfront restaurants. Why wouldn't we do this?

Before we pull the D magazine special edition apart like an over-boiled, crudely spiced freezer chicken, let me just cut to the chase on the answer to my own question: Of course, we would do what was promised us when we voted for the bonds. That's why we voted for the bonds, however narrowly. We did want what they showed us on TV.

The problem is that we're not getting it. Not remotely. We have been scammed. Three years ago lawyers for the city of Dallas went to district court and argued that the city should not be bound by any of the promises the city made during the bond campaign. Judge Ann Ashby agreed.

So please allow me to run it down for you in detail. The D magazine special edition goes on and on about the recreational amenities the Trinity River project will create: "...the Trinity River will accommodate small sailboats and paddle boats," the magazine tells its readers. "More interestingly, a reverse-flow lake is planned with a 17-foot drop where it curves back to the river, creating rapids and a perfect whitewater course for winter kayaking competitions...

"But the most visible benefit will be on the Oak Cliff side, which will have easy access to downtown, great views and--most important of all--along the levee, direct entry into the country's largest urban park."

All of this is a lie.

D magazine assigned a team of reporters to work on this. At some point, one or more of them had to do what I am going to urge you to do, which is go click on the city's official Trinity River project Web page at Once there, I want you to click on "Balanced Vision Plan" over at the left-hand side of the page. Then click on "executive summary." I hope all this stuff will still be up. It's been posted for a year, but I asked the city about it last week, and they might get clever and pull it down.

You will see a PDF document, and on the second page of that document, after the cover page, you will find a table showing what is funded and included in the project as it now exists. The same table also shows what could be included if the city found a way to come up with an additional $110 million (an increase in our total investment of 45 percent). And it also shows what could be included if someone, possibly Santa Claus, kicked in an additional $700 million. I was disappointed because I wanted to see what we could have if an anonymous donor gave us $52 kadoozerzillion. Eternal youth?

Here's the point. And remember, in months of preparation, reporting and interviews, there is no way that somebody at D magazine did not know this: There is no white-water kayaking, no waterfalls, none of that in this plan. The exact word in the document is "none."

And what if the city were able to come up with another $110 million and go to the "Expanded Phase 1" version of the project? Dallas Mayor Laura Miller is quoted in the magazine as saying the extra $110 million, for which she is willing to recommend a tax hike, will "put all the bells and whistles" on the project. So how much white-water kayaking will "all the bells and whistles" include?

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