By Jim Schutze
By Rachel Watts
By Lauren Drewes Daniels
By Anna Merlan
By Lee Escobedo
The news is a bit old now, but if you think Buzz is going to pass up a chance to riff about high school cheerleaders pooping on a pizza, then all we can say to you is "Welcome to Dallas, new reader!"
We're talking about the story widely reported last week concerning a squad of Keller High School cheerleaders attending a camp in Arlington who on June 2 smeared human feces on a pizza sent to them by their rivals from Fossil Ridge High. They then tried to frame the Fossil Ridge girls for the deed.
Why rehash old news? Firstly, we're too weak to not use this joke: Proposed cheer for the Keller squad--"Two, four, six, eight, we know how to defecate!" Secondly, Buzz would like to congratulate Channel 8-WFAA's Rebecca Rodriguez for one of the finest jobs by a television reporter we've ever seen. The woman deserves a Peabody Award.
Reporting live (live?) from Keller for the lead (lead?) story on an afternoon broadcast, Rodriguez not only kept a straight face, she used nary a pun in telling the story. That she managed to avoid busting out in huge guffaws on camera was as impressive as anything we've seen from reporters in Iraq. (We tried asking Rodriguez how she managed, but she didn't return our calls.)
"It doesn't seem like a normal act for a girl, and whose poop was it?" the WFAA report quoted a Keller resident asking.
The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, proving once again that print provides the context--aka blather--that television lacks, dug up an academic in Boston to pronounce that the prank was part of a broader national trend of bad behavior by girls. Journalistically speaking, this was a bit of cheating. It normally requires at least two instances of aberrant behavior before a newspaper will declare a trend.
Keller school officials didn't identify who was behind--or whose behind was behind--the prank but said the culprits would face discipline and were sent home early from camp. In a short bus, we bet.
Buzz hopes the girls didn't get hammered too hard, but if they did, take heart, kids. In a few years, dressing in a cheerleading uniform and crapping on a pizza is the sort of thing that'll win you a master's of fine arts degree, if not an NEA grant. Or, it could earn you a bit of dough. Buzz Googled the phrase "cheerleaders teens scat" and found 314,000 hits. Think of it as a career opportunity.