Hungry for a hot, stinking pile of emotionally stunted butt-rock, but tired of waiting for Puddle of Mudd's next album? Then local rockers Deaf Pedestrians have just the CD for you. The Dallas five-piece prove on their self-titled debut that all the shine in the world can't improve a piece of coal, as razor-sharp production and slick, talented instrumentation aren't enough to mask the Peds' shallow inspirational pool. Every track liberally borrows from a different '90s alternative radio success, from the half-assed take on Sublime in "Jerry Girl" to the half-Korn, half-Candlebox of "Pauper." Most evident is the Peds' love affair with The Toadies--Chuck Parker's desperation to mimic Todd Lewis' screams and enunciations is front and center in album opener "Listen Up," and "Dirty" and "Bar of Dope" sound like leftovers from the Toadies' pantry that have spoiled rotten over the years. But the band's cluelessness about music made before 1993 is nothing compared to the lyrics, which are best described as "misogynistic emo." "Dirty" offers a touching ode to screwing in a backseat ("I pull your panties off, I push it in into your sin"), and "Pauper" is a call to arms to downtrodden white people who want to rob convenience stores ("Gimme your wallet and shut the fuck up"), while the rest, with the exception of "We The Sheeple"'s anti-corporate stance, is simple, one-sided drivel about break-ups and getting drunk. Depressing from start to finish, Deaf Pedestrians is a testament to the soulless, empty music that fills too many Deep Ellum venues these days. Stop. Please.