Nature Calls

Motocross gets woodsy

11/18

You've scrounged around in barns and garages until you've found a vintage motocross motorcycle badly in need of repair. You've sweated, toiled and spent thousands restoring your historic beauty to pristine condition. Now what do you do--stick it in a climate-controlled garage and spend your weekends rubbing it down with a cloth diaper? No. To paraphrase Ferris Bueller, people with their priorities so out of whack don't deserve to own such fine machines. These machines were born to run, and it'd be a sin to keep them from it. That's the theory, anyway, behind the first Diamond Don's Texas State Vintage Motocross Championship taking place this weekend in Jefferson, in the Piney Woods 170 miles east of Dallas. Bikes from the '60s, '70s and '80s--along with riders whose heydays were from way back when--will take air on a natural terrain track owned by organizer Don Rainey. (This isn't your stadium motocross. These guys race in the woods.) "These are motorcycles we want to have fun with and not put in a museum," Rainey says. "We do have kids whose dads raced back in the '70s, and now the kids are into it." Our advice: Maybe Dad should let the kid do the racing on these vintage machines. Hip replacements are much, much more expensive than a motorcycle. Gate fees are $15 per person, and gates open at 4 p.m. November 18 and 6 a.m. on race day, November 19. RV hookups and campsites are available. Visit www.DiamondDon.com or call 713-320-5813. --Patrick Williams Good Boys

11/20

Love the Dallas Cowboys, but sick of Bill "running the ball on 4th and inches next to the goal line is a bad idea when you're only up by 4 points" Parcells ruining perfectly winnable games? You're probably in the market for a game so blatantly easy that even former coach Dave Campo couldn't blow it. That game, folks, is Sunday's contest at Texas Stadium, 2401 E. Airport Freeway in Irving, against the Detroit Lions--whose road record is the pits. (The only team the Lions have beaten outside of the Motor City in 2005 is freakin' Cleveland, if that says anything.) Don't expect the away team, known for its dismal offense and quarterback-swapping, to change gears and dismantle the Pokes' league-leading defense on Sunday. Parcells, if you screw this one up, we're calling Campo. Call Ticketmaster at 214-373-8000. --Sam Machkovech