The government gets a lot of flak for the things it allegedly does wrong. The most recent flub, of course, is FEMA’s response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. There are also the mistakes of years past, like botching the investigation of John F. Kennedy’s assassination and arresting just one killer, Lee Harvey Oswald. Where were the hurricane rescue teams? Where was the second gunman? Only Michael Brown and the Grassy Knoll know for sure. And then there are the Dallas connections—hurricane evacuees were sent to our fair city post-Katrina and Rita, and instead of fleeing town, Lee Harvey Oswald decided to evacuate right into the Texas Theater on West Jefferson Boulevard, where he was later arrested. Are we seeing a pattern here? Also, if you turn a map of the High Five interchange on its Western edge and overlay it with a structural plan of the Mixmaster, you can just make out the face of Earl Warren…wait, wrong paper. Look for more on the High Five/Mixmaster mystery in the next issue of Nutball Theories. One conspiracy we can publicly get behind, however, is this weekend’s Art Conspiracy event benefiting children affected by the recent hurricanes. Local artists, writers, designers, sculptors and photographers will have 24 hours, working in three-hour shifts, to fill hundreds of blank canvases placed in the lobby of the Texas Theater. When time’s up, patrons can pour in and name their prices for the works, some of which are already in the planning stages. Attendees should expect the unexpected, even if they’re familiar with participating artists such as writer Daniel Miller, who says the time constraint will inspire him to work with photography from his camera phone. Miller says, “I’m excited to see what it will be like, having that much creativity crammed so close together.” Patrons will also be treated to the acoustic sounds of the Happy Bullets, Pleasant Grove, Salim Nourallah, the Theater Fire and I Love Math while they make their bids. If anything suspicious happens at the Texas Theater, however, don’t say we didn’t warn you. Just ignore that man over there in the corner.