Behind the Muzak

First performer/presenter to appear to nod off onstage: Gorillaz drummer Russel

Oh, Fantasia, baby, don'tchoo stain that pretty little face with tears about your Grammy shutout. Instead, cry about how crappy a musician you are.

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• Kelly Clarkson
• American Idol
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Minutes into the program that this happened: less than 2

Grammy nominations for American Idol champ Fantasia Barrino: 4

Grammy nominations for American Idol champ Kelly Clarkson: 2

Grammy nominations for American Idolchamp Ruben Studdard: Um

Grammy wins for Barrino: 0

Grammy wins for Clarkson: 2

Words spoken by Clarkson in accepting those two awards: 400 (approximately--she talks really fast)

Number of times Clarkson mentioned American Idol: 0 (notthat fast)

Ratio of Americans watching American Idol auditions to Americans watching the Grammys: roughly 2-to-1

Minutes into the program before the inevitable performance by Madonna, who was not nominated for a Grammy: 1

Minutes into the program before the inevitable appearance of a church choir behind a Mariah Carey: 90

Minutes into the program before the inevitable Bonnie Raitt nomination: 12

Second performer/presenter to appear to nod off onstage: Actor Matt Dillon

Award Dillon was assigned to present: Best Rap Album

Wait, seriously?: Yes

Winner of the Grammy for Best Rap Album: Kanye West

Length, in seconds, of West's acceptance speech: 74

Number of times West used the words "I," "me" or "my": 16

Seconds Paul McCartney spent onstage singing "Yesterday" with Jay-Z and Linkin Park: 45

Lyrics that McCartney actually pantomimed as he sang them: 9

Worst offense: Hiding behind his shirt on "Now I need a place to hide away"

Third performer/presenter to appear to nod off onstage: Sly Stone

Seconds Stone spent jamming onstage before walking off in the middle of "I Want to Take You Higher": 136