Simonized

Neil Simon's Rumors would be a hell of a lot cooler if he had just added a 'u' to the title and written it about Fleetwood Mac. Now there's a play I would see. Messy break-ups. Rock and roll excess. Stevie Nicks practicing witchcraft while a roadie blows the devil's dandruff up her ass—it might as well be Shakespeare. Except it would be a kick-ass rock opera, of course, and considering Rumours has sold almost 20 million copies worldwide, I'm betting it would give Phantom of the Opera and CATS a run for their money. Unfortunately, Simon's play isn't about the best-selling soft-rock album of the '70s. It's about a New York City deputy mayor and the high jinks that ensue when he screws up his own suicide attempt, shooting himself through the earlobe instead of the head. Maybe that's what happened to Stevie Nicks' septum. Rumorsplays at 8 p.m. Thursday through Saturday (with a 3 p.m. Sunday matinee) at the Richardson Theatre Centre, 718 Canyon Creek Square. The run continues through April 29. Tickets are $12 to $15. Call 972-699-1130.
Thursdays-Saturdays, 8 p.m.; Sundays, 3 p.m. Starts: April 15. Continues through April 29