Not-So-Fresh Prince

How did Diplo, a dinosaur-loving, M.I.A.-supporting, crunk-spinning white kid from Florida, become the hottest party DJ in Philadelphia (if not the world)? It sure as hell isn't through answering questions with complete sentences. You can't blame the superstar producer/remixer/label head/indie music darling for being busy, especially during his current tour with Bonde do Role and Cansei de Ser Sexy. Still, in lieu of in-depth responses to my e-mail interview, I'm forced to translate what I can only assume he meant by his brief answers. This is what you get for being too busy, Diplodocus.

What role has the mixtape culture played in your come-up? Where do you see the scene heading in the future? Diplo wrote: only the way to make money, be poor without it

What he probably meant: "Suck it, ASCAP and BMI. I'm rich, bitch!"

Your Piracy Funds Terrorism mixtape caused quite a stir in the music community. Do you currently have anything else like that in the works? Diplo: new record, working on it here and there, most amazing record ever, it's crazy, gonna change everything

What he probably meant: "I'm experimenting with a new form of meta-sampling in which I sample other DJs' samples. On my next mixtape, Stole Your Jamz, I just record a Kid Koala cassette playing out of a boom box for about 40 minutes. It's dope."

What's up with M.I.A not being able to come to the States anymore? Diplo: she can come now

What he probably meant: "After a preposterous and completely unwarranted investigation by several federal government agencies, my little sugar bunny was absolved of any wrongdoing and can roam within the borders of this wonderful country. Which is cool, 'cuz otherwise she couldn't pick up her checks from those Honda Civic commercials and pay me back for giving her a goddamn career."

Your Hollertronix party series in Philadelphia has become almost mythical at this point. How did that come about?

Diplo: came out of the city needing something, it's a mean city, everybody hates each other, hates the music, people in philly needed an alternative, hollertronix gave it to them, something that everyone loves.

What he probably meant: "Was sick of Fresh Prince reruns."

There's been a lot of talk of you quitting DJing. What's up? Diplo: no more tours, back to producing and finishing film

What he probably meant: "I'll be on tour in about a year."

You've racked up some serious frequent-flyer miles in the past several years. What scenes out there really excite you? Diplo: africa,west africa is crazy now

What he probably meant: "Here is a list of hot DJs and clubs so that my fans can seek each of them out. Why would I just mention a vague, huge region of the world? That'd be foolish."

I read that you wanted to be a paleontologist as a child. Do you find any parallels between your childhood dream and what you have become? Diplo: no, i want to be a fireman too

What he probably meant: "Why even bother recognizing the parallel between digging through fossils and digging through record crates? I've got groupies to attend to. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to e-mail!"