°Ask a Mexican!

 Dear Mexican,

What's up with the bull stickers on the truck doors? Is this a secret business, something earned at some unmentionable contest south of the border or a brotherhood of sorts? I thought about taking Spanish lessons so I could politely ask one of these guys.

--Native California Whitey

Dear Gabacho,

The bull sticker is no cloak-and-dagger marker. Toros on trucks are just cultural archetypes, a manifestation of Jung's theory that recurring characters, festivals and monuments in society represent a shared memory from its collective unconscious. Americans decorate their lives with such motifs: lawns (reminder of--take your pick--the savannahs of our African roots, English manors or the open prairie from the frontier days), Thanksgiving (ceremony honoring our Puritan forefathers) and the continued popularity of Mickey Mouse (signifies our fascination with the trickster). Likewise, Mexicans consider the bull a reminder of the rancho they left behind, of the life that will never return. Besides, as cultural archetypes go, a bull sticker is one of the best. Consider the attributes of the animal on display--ferocity, virility, protection, horns. It's everything a culture wishes its members could be--and so much better than the fruity shamrock or city-initials decal on your Scion, no? Dear Mexican,

How come niggers don't like Mexicans? It seems like they are welcome at our bars, but when you go to their bars, these motherfuckers act like you're trying to re-institute slavery. Don't these chanates know that we don't think like the white man?

--Niggarachi

Dear Wab,

Time and time again in this column, wabs like you show why tensions between Mexicans and blacks are waiting for a match. To bridge this perilous racial gap, I urge wabs to consult Nashieqa Washington's recently published Why Do Black People Love Fried Chicken? and Other Questions You've Wondered but Didn't Dare Ask? According to Washington, blacks don't like Mexicans because they feel Mexicans are slowly displacing them "socially, politically and economically...[w]ith shifting ethnic demographics (i.e. more Latinos), I fully expect these tensions to extend beyond poor Blacks into wider society." Washington is right--flare-ups between old and new communities in the United States are as American as jazz. But one thing Washington doesn't mention is how fiercely Mexicans dump on blacks, which gives them every right to want us deported. For chrissake, Niggarachi, you called black people niggers, motherfuckers and chanates (the Mexican Spanish word for blackbird, and yet another slur in our Rolodex of Racism) in the course of your question--and you still have to ask why "they" hate us?

To order a copy of Washington's book, visit yourblackfriend.com. Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we'll make one up for you!

 
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