Seasoned Premiere

These days, Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher is looking more and more like Dr. Frank-N-Furter. I'm crossing my fingers that this season she performs "The Time Warp." It's not her fault, though. She's getting older, and trying to fight the crinkles means you gotta grab that trowel and slop on makeup Tammy Faye Bakker-style if you want people to think you’re half as cute as your sluttified, perky-boobied, perfectly complexioned co-stars. I just hope all that Botox hasn't frozen her whorehead—I'm sorry, forehead—too badly. This Sunday night, come gossip with friends about the collagen-inspired Teri Hatcher (and Bree and Lynette and Gabrielle and Edie) at the Desperate Housewives Weekly Watching/Dinner Party. From 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. at Firehouse, 1928 Greenville Ave., watch the wives skank it up while you enjoy half-price entrée specials and 25 percent off of the whole entrée menu. They even have specials depending on which character from the show has the most desperate night. If Bree wins, you get half-price bottles of wine. Lynette means half-price desserts. Gabrielle means half-price Sex on the Beach shots. And if Susan wins, you get $2 domestic beers, which is relevant because hookers heart Budweiser. Call 214-826-0097 or visit firehousedallas.com.
Sun., Sept. 24, 7-10 p.m.