Gravity Kills

Naturists. Nudists. Nakednessists. They go by many names. But despite what they decide to call themselves, one thing is painfully obvious: People who like to be naked outdoors are almost always not the kind of people you would want to see naked, much less be naked with. Just like the rest of us, their naturally beautiful bodies are often ill-shaped, haphazardly shaven and speckled with random acne, jagged appendectomy scars and wild thickets of pubic hair. What could possibly make the average nude frame even less appealing? Subjecting it to a 5K cross-country run, that's what. Slather on some sunscreen (like, everywhere), shave your bunch and join the fleshy folks down at the 16th Annual "Bare as You Dare" Cross-Country 5K at the Bluebonnet Naturist Park, 699 Country Road 1180 in Alvord, this Saturday at 1 p.m. Registration is $25. Call 940-627-2313 or visit bluebonnetnudistpark.com.
Sat., Oct. 7, 1 p.m.