Imported Talent

Not to get all Dubya on your ass, but what's up with all these dang furriners invading our fine local music establishments this week? B-Sides knows you're busy, so we took the liberty of doing your Google searches and atlas perusing for you and have typed up this handy guide to the hot trifecta of out-of-town acts--out-of-country acts, actually--who will get their passports stamped this week with a big "D." And since all those demographic studies they make us pore over at alt-weekly school tell us that the kids these days won't read anything more than 50 words, we've cut the fat and given you just the essential facts--you know, like they do in Spin. Clip and save:

BAND: Gito Gito Hustler

COUNTRY:Japan

SOUND: Four hotties with a clear love of shiny rubber boots and a clear fetish for straight-up, broken-English, power chord Joan Jett punk 'n' roll

DETAILS: Friday, October 20, at Darkside Lounge

EXPECTED CROWD: People who think they're cooler than they are

HIPSTER PLUS: They're Japanese.

HIPSTER MINUS: Shonen Knife already did it.

BAND:Bettie Serveert

COUNTRY: Holland

SOUND: Hot, tall, blond, introspective, blank-faced female lead singer fronts band; sound as if Aimee Mann had been born in Amsterdam; adept at jumping from quiet, whispery verses to Fender Jaguar-fueled wall o' sound choruses

DETAILS: Friday, October 20, at Gypsy Tea Room

EXPECTED CROWD: People who pretend to be cool but who really play Dungeons & Dragons in their spare time

HIPSTER PLUS: They're Dutch.

HIPSTER MINUS: Uh, they're Dutch.

BAND: Celtic Frost

COUNTRY: Switzerland

SOUND: Seminal, semi-satanic art-metal band, known for its intellectual and genuinely occult-oriented drive, reunited after 13-year hiatus to RAWK evilly

DETAILS: Thursday, October 19, at Ridglea Theater, Fort Worth

EXPECTED CROWD: People who unabashedly play Dungeons & Dragons in their spare time

HIPSTER PLUS: CF has influenced bands--including Siouxsie and the Banshees and Foo Fighters--that you actually listen to. Can you say the same about Bettie Serveert and Gito Gito Hustler?

HIPSTER MINUS: Celtic Frost's intense, frizzed-out Euro-mullets put our home-grown Kentucky waterfalls to shame. No doubt local roustabouts who hang at the DoubleWide will be forced to spend large wads of cash to upgrade their ironic 'dos.