Cred Sheet

Stuff you need to know to avoid musical ostracism

File this one under "Stuff you need to know about to avoid musical ostracism." Cred Sheet is a periodic gauge of cultural stimuli for those unwilling or unable to think about this shit for a living 24/7. (Note: These people are most often smarter and better compensated than those who are willing and able to do so.) It seeks to be a reliable fount of valuable info and ostensible humor. Clip it out and take it along to speed-dating engagements as a valuable icebreaker and greased pathway to "The Coitus."

Abrupt Alt-Rock Resurgence: The frightening realization that the best power-pop record of 2006 is the Gin Blossoms' Major Lodge Victory. Paving the way for the great Spin Doctors revival.

Strange Bedfellows: Jay-Z and Dale Earnhardt Jr.—What do you think these two talked about between takes on the set of Jay's new video? Probably Project Runway.

Album of the Year This Week: The frigid, unstoppable brilliance of Junior Boys' So This Is Goodbye. "In the Morning" is the jam.

Wanton Emasculation: Getting punched out on stage by Jeff Fucking Tweedy. Infinitely more humiliating than Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura.

Economic Indicator: The ignoble demise of Tower Records. Funeral bouquets of plastic flowers will be manufactured for a dime apiece and retail at $18.99.

Cathartic Band Breakup: The drug-addled demise of the Darkness. Contrary to prior belief, one cannot snort cocaine ironically.

Technological Marvel: The Internet's abysmal failure to produce a halfway-decent Blood Brothers song-title generator. Just rig a fill-in-the-blanks form combining naïve, childlike whimsy with unimaginable violence—e.g., "You're the Dream Unicorn," or "Set Fire to the Face on Fire." (Gonna be hard to beat "Huge Gold AK-47," though.)

Internet Distraction: The way Rick James says "What you got against Shawwwwwn Cassidy?" in the "Battle of the Album Covers" video. Better impression than Dave Chappelle.

 
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