Oscar Oversight

Never fear, we won't let the Academy Awards ignore sports

Best Science Fiction: Venus

Not content with his billion-dollar mega-stadium in Tarrant County, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones pleads with Dallas city leaders to extend the Calatrava bridges into outer space so he can begin cornering the market on galactic fans with an exhibition game on Earth's sister planet.

Best Picture: The Pursuit of Happyness

Shrinkin' slammin' Sammy Sosa
Shrinkin' slammin' Sammy Sosa

Cut from the NFL, CFL and Arena League II's Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings and cut off from his Dallas pot dealer, Quincy Carter fails drug tests, driving tests, smell tests, Wonderlic tests and DNA tests before starting the long road back to quarterback of America's Team by taking a job as Will Smith's spell-checker.

Best Reality: An Inconvenient Truth

Rangers owner Tom Hicks emerges from his soccer locker to admit that former manager Buck Showalter was fired not because he was a failure but because he was actually a window mannequin stolen from an old Joske's warehouse.

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