Misspelld

It's been awhile since we've heard from Aaron Lewis and Staind, and thank god for that. Unfortunately the shaved and sour Lewis is currently on an acoustic solo tour, spewing his angsty seventh-grade poetry in "intimate" corporate theater settings across the country. In preparation for his Friday show at the Nokia Theatre, we played a lively game of "I'd Rather" (honestly, we don't remember the rules, but whatever): I’d rather eat a horse's rectum on Fear Factor than watch the lights at Nokia reflect off Aaron Lewis' eyebrow ring for an hour. Hell, I'd rather go antiquing with Steve Blow. I'd rather see Norbit in the theater. I'd rather go quail hunting with Dick Cheney. I'd rather shovel dirt with Virgie Arthur. I'd rather give post-game pedicures to the Dallas Cowboys. I'd rather eat a tube of cookie dough and run a marathon. I'd rather work the red crab season on the Bering Sea. I'd rather be Dwyane Wade's wheelchair attendant. I'd rather watch an entire season of According to Jim with Rosie O’Donnell. I'd rather lick peanut butter off...you get the idea. See Aaron Lewis, if you have to, 8 p.m. Friday at the Nokia Theatre, 1001 Performance Place in Grand Prairie. Tickets are $34 to $44. Visit ticketmaster.com.
Fri., March 16, 8 p.m.