Get the Hook

Didn't they know that when we ordered? Who's working that counter, Dory from Finding Nemo?

Perfection can't be expected at an inexpensive eat-and-run joint like this. But it's no greasy hole-in-the-wall that can be excused for not finessing the fine points. Fish Express is the slickly designed little cousin of Addison's Go Fish and is the first of five spinoffs planned for Uptown, Frisco, Plano, Las Colinas and Southlake. The Preston/Forest location has been open only a few months, so maybe they haven't got their act down yet. But there shouldn't be this many problems. Not if they want repeat customers.

This city's old-school fish-feasting outlets stay in business by keeping it simple and consistent. Think wooden booths, plastic baskets filled with pink crab claws, trays of steaming shrimp and fat little hushpuppies spiked with peppers. Cornmeal-crusted catfish cooked well and served up in a flash—that's what keeps us seafoodies hooked on these no-frills neighborhood faves. We won't even notice hordes of screaming kiddies if we're busy tearing the tails off a tasty meal.

On the Fish Express menu can be found some of the old standbys, including fried shrimp and calamari, but the difference here lies in the inclusion of lighter, grilled fare, some of it designated "heart healthy" as recommended by the Medical City heart team. This is commendable. Fries can be substituted with baked chips or a fruit cup. The tacos can be stuffed with grilled chicken, shrimp, salmon or mahi mahi. All that raw cabbage has to be good for the calorie-conscious. But they might be pushing it a bit by awarding the little red stamp of approval to those jumbo melted-cheese-and-shrimp quesadillas with guacamole.

The stress of our first dinner—mall food courts and Chuck E. Cheese's offer more soothing ambience—means we try additional items from Fish Express in a wide-ranging takeout order. The "signature seafood burger" is a so-so patty of chopped-up shrimp and other unidentifiable piscine parts, slapped on a white burger bun under a limp lettuce leaf. Flour tortillas on the order of grilled shrimp tacos flop open to reveal a generous but unremarkable clump of diced shrimp bits mixed with the ubiquitous chopped cabbage. The catfish po' boy is as mushy and unseasoned as a Mickey D Filet-o-Fish. Beer-battered shrimp lacks crunch, the coating coming off as more of a sodden attempt at tempura. Instead of the requested hushpuppies, we find a container of that blasted no-mango-no-how slaw. The "seasoned fries" bear the red-orange dust of seasoning salt but lack the flavor of it. There's no ginger glaze on the skinny plank of undercooked and therefore inedible tilapia. No rice pilaf with it either. Just more cabbage.

Shoving it all into the fridge, we look forward to finishing up with those "homemade" brownies and cookies, which we were assured were available and abundant when we called in our order. We plow through both sacks and find only extra plastic ware. No desserts, although we paid for them.

Aw, shucks.

5921 Forest Lane, Suite 200, 972-490-3474. Open 11 a.m.-9 p.m. daily. $