Cred Sheet

Stuff you need to know to avoid cultural ostracism

CINEMATIC MASTERWORK

Adam Sandler's profoundly disturbing resemblance to Bob Dylan in Reign Over Me.

Though it is fun to imagine Bob singing, "It's cool to pee yo' pants."

SOCIETAL CONUNDRUMS

Wondering why anyone would knowingly watch a video clip of Karl Rove rapping.

Have some respect for yourself.

TECHNOLOGICAL MARVELS

That Marshmallow Peeps—lookin' robot that demonstrates its ability to "incorporate the rhythmic properties of human interactive behavior" by dancing to Spoon's "I Turn My Camera On."

To be honest, it does eerily resemble an overweight 30-something dude, with moves that emit similar sex appeal.

RAMPANT NOSTALGIA

Rediscovering your love for Quicksand.

Relive your ill-advised mid-'90s hard-core phase. Bonus: the coining of the lyrical term "excrementable."

SONGWRITING TRIUMPHS

"1-2-3-4!" count-offs in the middle of songs.

The true legacy of "Born to Run."

INSTRUCTIVE RAP SLANG

Applying the advice "Throw some D's on that bitch" to other areas of your life.

Such as changing the batteries in your boombox or grading economics exams.

 
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