Take the Cheese

Take the cheese:Hey, Max Wells, where are the flowers, the candy or, at least, the little personal thank-you note for our fellow Dallas Observer peon Matt Pulle? C'mon, a man of your age and background should know a little something about gentility—and how to trim a candle and handle a buggy, for that matter.

Oops. Sorry, Max. Forget the card.

See, it was just that sort of nasty, ageist remark that got us into trouble. In last week's cover story about the Dallas mayoral race, Pulle offered a prepackaged "quote" to candidate Wells as sort of an apology for all the cracks we've made about his age on our blog, Unfair Park—as if there's anything wrong with being 112.

Damn, we did it again. Our bad. Wells is 73.

He just looks like he's....NO! STOP THAT! Look, we're not anti-old people. Some of our closest colleagues are from Wells' generation. Jim Schutze, for instance.

The quote, which Pulle joshingly wrote Wells could use in a "cheesy campaign blurb," was this: "While just about every candidate talks a good game about hiring more police officers to fight crime, only Wells has a plan to pay for it."

What did Wells do? Why, he used it as a cheesy campaign blurb in a recent press release, touting public support for a citywide vote on an "anti-crime district." (If you vote against the district, would that make you pro-crime?) A poll, Wells' campaign said, also found that most Dallasites would favor a slight tax increase to pay for more cops.

Of course, in politics there's only one poll that really matters, and that's coming up in a couple of weeks, when Wells will see how much weight a faux endorsement from the Observer really has among the electorate. Our advice: Don't rent that U-Haul for the trip to City Hall just yet. The last Observer candidate for mayor was Laura Miller, and just look at how that turned out.

Still, we admire the in-your-faceness of Wells taking us up on our proffered quote. If this whole politics thing doesn't work out, maybe we can find room on our staff for you, Max. All you need is a pair of flip-flops, some shorts, a raggedy-ass T-shirt and some patchouli oil. We're looking for someone to cover the hip-hop scene. Bring your own weed, please.